A chasam mind

soul torn in two

The good and bad conundrum

Severing my brain

An angel and a demon approach me

Common sense chooses the angel

Lust and animalistic nature chooses the demon

The angel soothes my soul heals me makes better

Give me everything she ever had and forgives my sins

The demon drags me to hell fills my heart with hate and insecurities

I love both of them in their own way

I left the demon years ago

I’ve just left the angel

Now the depths of hell are calling me

I want to answer the call......

I wrote this poem to my ex girlfriend. We are trying to remain friends. I fell out of love with her. The guilt I feel about that is immeasurable, for she has every virtue of an angel and every moral of a saint......but my heart couldn’t feel that for her anymore......

To Ruby

I gave a gift of broken heart

How to fix? where to start?

Loves confusion caused you pain

Little else but hurt to gain

I want to help you, but I’m the knife

That’s cut into you that’s drawing life

Time and distance will fix and mend

All will be better in the end

You will find someone who loves you whole

Who treats you better who soothes your soul

You will find this of your own accord

Under your own power under your applaud

I will be with you still if you want me to be

A souvenir......perhaps a trophy

What I do not want is to be the pain

Who gives you little with little to gain

I need you happy I need you strong

I need you to listen for another love song

For I am the weak one who hurt you still

And I am crying and I am ill

Your kindness and compassion it knows no bounds

Your beauty your soul, positivity surrounds

You shimmer like a diamond you move like the air

Your name it gives you something, nothing else can compare

And much like a diamond, you will form the same way

Pressure, stress and pain ahead lay

But on the other side you will be created

Into the shimmering gem, you’ve long awaited

I’m experiencing a complete metal collapse

My whole mind has unravelled and shattered into a thousand tiny pieces

All screaming for their voice to be heard each one stabbing my heart, soul and existence with its Icy grip

Tugging at my heart pulling out all the pain and fear turning it into a weapon to use against me

I can’t trust my mind

My

Heart

My soul

Who or what do I trust

Nothing.

What am I

I exist is the only truth

I feel is another

Pain and misery and hatred a love for all things wrong

Disturbed and ego centric patterns manipulate my mind

I look at those normal and see they are not normal but disturbed

They ignore the fabric of existence it’s dread and hatred it’s pain and intolerance but I do not brag or boast

I am cursed with the gift of not being able to ignore

I listen and listen

I exist for my own torture

I exist for pain

Miserable agonising pain

I cannot even choose my own way out

I’m tempted by normalcy and happiness

Two things I know never to come

But I am tempted by them still

And the glistening tears of a thousand nations

Wept into the ground

And the hearts and souls of all mankind

Bled without a sound

I will never say goodbye to you

My heart in whole belongs to you

The memories we shared are like a dream

The pain it swells inside of me

It’s muffles and it tortures me

The nosie is bursting from the seams

An unrequited love so sweet

The moment that I knew we’d meet

My heart it forever sang a song

I did not realise the love I gave

Would send me to an early grave

To rest in a lonely sleep so long

The distance between

I am willing to face

A love at length

At slow pace

I love you

My colourful gem

Your kindness your mystery

Your paper and pen

I pledge my heart and soul to you

To do with as you wish

I give you utter control over me

My life on a sliver dish

I hope you let me love you

Forevermore your ploy

A simple gift with steadfast worth

From an eternally loving boy

To kiss again under a silver moon

With heart shaped ribbons and golden dunes

To hold your gaze and watch your gait

A million pages that lay in wait

A soul of platinum a heart of gold

A gem of fire and icy cold

Violet red and scarlet ruby

A thousand stories of yet to be

I fight this demon in my head

Much like the thunder fights the lightning in the sky

Tossling and turning in the night

Filled with rage

Scary and terrible

But beautiful In the way it does it

Striking awe and sorrow into every creature

The ropes of light held taught

Under pressure they break

And the tension leads to applause

Of the thunderous nature

I wish I could live a thousand lives

A thousand fires in a thousand eyes

A life built on truth not lies

The supple sound of freedom lifts my wings

A sweet sound of living feeds my dreams

The sting of honey and the silky sweet of cream

The best days of my life are yet to come

To everybody a song that will be song

A light in every life of which we’re hung

The green ground and trees stand tall

I fight against the demons, against the maw

I stand myself true against them all

I never back and let darkness claw

I look across the Styx and stare in awe

At creation through its chiseld marble flaw

I sense the self of dread fade away

As I think of the days to come the days to stay

The people I have yet to meet in the fray

The sundew maelstrom of which I do not lay

And the soul I keep and the toll I will not pay

The sound of peace and the heart a beating drum

The love of hundreds the beat of a thousand suns

The thousand lives of which have never rung

The thousand lives I wish I could see unstrung

Like the ocean

Like the skies

Like the trees

And the mountains

And the sun

And the rain

Relentless and beautiful

Mesmerising, hypnotic and deadly

Obsessive

Is the word I would use to describe my mindset

When thinking of women

When thinking of the women

When thinking of her.

Tick tock

Goes the clock

As the years roll by

Tick tock

Goes the clock

As my mouth runs dry

Tick tock

Goes the clock

No more glimmer in my eye

Tick tock

Goes the clock

Until I fade and die