It is with a deep nostalgia that I present myself in this space.

Like every day until this point in my life I woke up, then started thinking

Unlike any other day I felt fear, and the passing of time

But we remembered that we were in the present, and felt the immense joy of our beings

We forgot our fear and just felt in our skin the knowing of the new morning

Then, we started living

I get nervous and anxious, I feel afraid too often.

What about you?

You tend give too much, you do not trust yourself as often as you should.

On the other hand, he lies. He is complicated, not always in a good way.

And she?

She demands too much from us and likes seeing people hurt sometimes.

However, I am gentle and considerate. I love deeply and fair, while you give your love freely in a beautiful way. You are stronger than you think.

He truly wants good things for everyone. He is soft in a good and comforting way.

And she?

She is a good friend. She lives to see people happy.

We contradict ourselves so many times and confuse people with our behaviour.

But each of these people, that I have thought of, is essentially good.

#people

At 17:30 on an unsuspicious Monday I made a decision that I knew was not the right one. I even talked to someone, materialized the idea and it remained incorrect but my impulsiveness always win. So frequently adjusted the dress that I spent an afternoon selecting and put my best smile to return the unfinished look he gave me. For our luck, we have similar gestures, which makes the conversation between two complex people a little bit easier.

The more words passed and more layers of shyness were removed, the less incorrect that moment felt, but both you and I keep hearing a noise that did not leave us alone. It was the error forming, the code in the air warning what would come.

It was at 6:00, when the shadows started to decreased that I felt the weight of the error and how much I wanted it to not be wrong. It was the following hundreds and thousands of seconds that sculpted reality, that established cuts and therefore truths.

At 15:00 on any Monday, months later, I kept cursing the same story and the same mistakes, hating the same characters.

It is not what I would like, no it would be indispensable in what would follow. It was by no means the cornerstone of my future. But it were the soft moments I longed to have and the calm looks, although sometimes, full of the same immaturity and cruelty that was so familiar.

Now, it is the idea of ​​giving up. It does not feel bad, not as failure, but as in a silent way I have given a lot for something that is not worth it, that sincerely has already been and will not be in the future. For now, I attempt to close the doors that were already closed for me.

Is not what I need, it is just so plain

It hurts

My, oh my, it is just the day

I know nothing

Of course they don't

My fire? they know nothing

My feelings are only mine

Why you want them?

It is not about like

It is not what I want

What roads?

I just don't know you

Maybe is nothing

I am nothing to you

No

Never, you just don't know

Time fights back, with a horribly strong hand

and there are not enough sounds to stop it

The heavy weight of achieving a simple life, came crushing like fate

the smoke in the roof is increasing

people watching with so much interest, spectators

watching the burning house and the burning houses and the burning trees.

Lost the gifts to the flames and fever

the sweet sound of music filled the smoky fields

and people kept watching, but at least they listened too

the perfect time to grab what was left and just go away

live a little, dream some more, hate a few people and love a few more.

So many beasts came running

It was possible to smell the fear and the smoke and the killing intent

Never backing down, in the middle of confusion

people could not stop staring, their eyes watering

Please don’t go, we need you now, never go we need you now, we hate you now.

I carefully touched the side of his face

Crafted in reality, made by whispers

I sought my peace and failed

They were talking and singing and growing

Too fast and too high for my taste

She blew the dreams carefully carved on the side of a tree

Bulky oak tree, with red lining and closed whispers

She searched his face and her reflection

You were sleeping peacefully side by side

Too nice and good for her taste

They never trusted enough, always looking behind

Following the demolishing sound of whispers

They though and tried too hard

She was playing hard, without mercy

Too loud and too strong for our taste

He craved the unlimited space and built a lie

Without any accuracy, starting with whispers

He gave up the minute he lost and keep building his demise

She was gone before it was true

Too bad and too wrong for their taste

Hay veces y mil veces

Time and time again

that I remembered how it felt

Duele y duele mil veces

I got lost in my dreams and sweet talked myself to sleep

I completely forgot what I loved about myself

Mil veces y mas

I want to feel peace in my own thoughts, glow in my own happiness

close my eyes and enjoy the moon and the warm sunlight

enjoy the sweet cold of the morning

Muchas más veces

feel my heart beating with love and wonder

feel the beauty of life

Mas de mil veces

After a 10-hours liquor infused night I feel I need to reset my life:

I feel kind of cheated and too innocent

I thought I had grown up a little, in some aspects at least

I felt I could be good, be nice, be clever and be happy… I really, really thought I could be good and happy

But I am not… is not the role I’m supposed to play, I feel hate and rage

I feel terrible, I feel bad also

I really thought I could be good, be a good person, play a good role in life… you know, be someone who can bring happiness not just easy satisfaction

I felt so happy because I was being great, but no I wasn’t being great I was being the manipulative bitch I have always been

I thought I was good, I really though I was good and I wanted so bad to be good

Nervous is not a word strong enough to describe how I felt that day. But I did not know where all hat anxiety had come.

I was supposed to meet you and be friendly, get drunk and be friendly… but I always knew my intentions and I knew you were weak

I do not know if it is just me or my face or something else, but really I represent that much of a temptation that you cannot stop?

I hate everyone right now: her for existing and being a victim, me for my selfishness and you for not loving me enough

But I also love every memory that I made with you