Swirling back in time

i smell a familiar scent

there is no need to question what I'm smelling

i've held it a thousand times before

the one who I've loved before

the one who I've hated before

fate would have said my chest filled with hate

almost going insane

but there is nothing left to hate

Not obssessed or upset

Not holding onto the pieces because there are no pieces to hold anymore

My hands breathe

My heart relax

New clothes, new fads, new people, new toys

What's the new trend? Give me that and I'll throw away this

There's no need for those who don't move with it

It's the same old story book

The same old ending for a person, place, or thing

Clean out the old and bring in the new...

Standing on the pile

My pile

My life

I didn't have to try and I'd be on top

Ruling over the pile

Slowly...

Ever so slowly...

I've been slipping, falling

From the bottom, I watch the pile rising

It towers

Shadowing over me

Too slow to run back up

Too weak to pull myself up

It rules over me

Dry throat 

Dry mouth

Give them something to drink

Since the beginning, the water level has been set with shining lights

I've poured carefully and made my way

But it seems that you can't see at all

"Where is my water?!" you exclaim with might

I've filled it up

But you just bite

Maybe it's cause water is clear

Clear so you can't see,taste,or feel

You say you're not comparing yet you stuff words down my throat

So that maybe I'll learn and fill 

I'm never enough

Though my other efforts show brightly, only the glass of water will satisfy your brain

Hush week

Fast week 

Slow week

Weakening week

What a week!

That's this week

Hush week when no one's in the house

Fast week when I'm skating, keeping up with her 

Slow week when I'm glued to the floor watching TV on repeat

Weakening week when I'm deprived of you

That's this week

Spring break week

Wishing for a good day tomorrow

Hoping that we'll be able to finally be together for a while

Defending my honor and defending him

Arguing the positives of going out for froyo with him

Politely spilling my reasoning and feelings 

Telling you details about things we've never spoken about

Stating my case in hopes for 2 hours with him

Convincing you to let me go

Excited to tell him but what do I see?

"Sorry. can't go tmrw. Booked school stuff"

Bailing on me like everyone else

Text after text, hoping he'll speak

Feeling empty being of this betray I shouldn't be feeling

Meekly I speak

"He can't go"

This is what happens when you aim too high and try too hard.

Wet morning

Wet life

Weakly waking up

What's for breakfast?

Water with a side of feelings

Worthless

Whining 

Water from eyes

Waiting

Wanted

Wishing to get over him

Wasting time on it

Worsening 

Worsen

Worse

Wors

Wor

Wo

w

.

On a sunny day, my worries disappear 

I can stand on my own and feel the heat on my skin

The breeze cools my body

All is well

On a windy day, he sways my being

I'm knocked off my feet and the cold consumes me

I tumble backwards back to my first

Even after saying yes(to someone else), I'm still finding you in my head

Maybe on a windy day I'll stand up strong

The wind won't bother me and you won't too.

Him and her

That's what you want to happen

But I say 

"That's a bad idea."

She thinks he's cute

He doesn't know her

So you say

"I'll give her his number"

But that's a bad idea

Immature and stubborn

You think it'll turn out right?

Dehydrated

He's thirsty

Desperate as hell

He'll fuck her up

Then leave her to rot

I've been there before

I know what's in store

That's why I say

"That's a bad idea."

Nothing seems to stay

Not even things in my head

Things in my head roll too far and and too close

Feelings on my chest rotating back and forth

Taking turns slicing at my best

Either "I want you too" or "Even a hug is too much" 

I need one to stay and one to leave

Confusion

I am confused

Flirting continuously and then feeling guilty when it(the feelings) evaporates  

Am I just using you to cover up the bullet hole?

This isn't recently

Before you pushed me away, things were the same

Either I wanted you or it was too much

When will I make up my mind?

I'm just confused.