like

Honey

Sugar

Warmth

Bitterness

His touch was all I needed

Calm to my storm

Perfect on a rainy day

Although where we are,

Is no longer on the same ground.

I pray that when night draws near,

You come down and join the stars.

You dance above me,

As I dance in the moonlight.

Therefor we will once again be together,

And talk amongst the night.

Creating a beautiful symphony,

Of no darkness or hardship,

Only lightness and beauty.

With every step,

Every jump,

Our hearts will touch again.

You my love,

Will never be gone from me.

Cause when night draws near,

You will come down and join the stars.

I will dance in the moonlight,

And you and I will be together once and for all.

-Finding a path back to you

12 days ago you were mine,

11 days ago you became hers.

You’re holding her,

The ways we used to.

1 hour ago I kissed someone new,

It felt so wrong.

I find myself thinking of how it used to be you.

BUT

You see,

While you’re deep in another girl,

I’m deep in self doubt and sorrow.

How did you love me,

12 days ago.

Then,

Love her 11 days ago.

-How I became non-existent.

This heart,

Feels heavy,

S

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B O E

R K N.

J.R (Corcillum) March 20, 2002 - April 4, 2019

When you fall in love,

For the first time,

You don’t think you’d loose them.

You don’t think you’d loose them,

In such a permanent way.

I sit up at 3:30am,

Rivers running down my face making oceans upon my pillow.

Thursday April 4, 2019 was the last day you took your last breath,

It was the day I felt my heart crumble into pieces.

You once wrote a poem about how you were sober of love for 16 years of your life,

Then you met me and you got addicted to how my lips took yours.

I feel my body and mind going through this withdrawal,

I took your addiction and made it mine.

We had the world at our feet,

We fought demons together.

Your demons were just too strong,

This cruel world was too hard for you.

The pain was too much,

So on March 1, 2019 you took your life.

You laid in the hospital bed for 33 days,

Your body fighting to survive.

But

You were tired of fighting,

Your mind and body just didn’t have the strength to fight.

I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to save you.

-there isn’t a specific day that I fell in love with you but I know that I’ll never love someone the way I loved you. You taught me life, beauty, and love. You blessed me and my world. I still pray to see you in my dreams. But till the day we meet again I’ll hold you in my heart and remember your smile and laugh with every morning I wake. <3

He tried to take his own life late one evening.

Desperately needing to rid himself of demons and pain.

He stepped off,

Rope drew tight.

He closed his eyes.

I sat there two days later in the ICU,

As he started his fight to live once again.

I gripped his hand and prayed he could hear me as I told him:

“I love you. You are the first guy I’ve ever loved and you taught me what love is. I will always and forever love you. You’re so strong the strongest person I know, you can get through this, you have to. I love you.”

Two weeks later,

I sit here writing this.

You still lay there fighting to regain your strength.

-You can do this, I know you can. Keep holding on I love you.

I pray god to give him all the strength he needs to come back and survive this coma, to overcome his boundaries and see life’s beauty. I pray he can feel the sand between his toes again and the sun on his face. I pray he can write his magnificent poems again. I pray I can see him smile and hear him laugh. God bless him and give him all the strength possible.

The night I knew it was over,

My pillow was stained of black mascara.

I laid on my side,

Tears streaming faster than light.

Burning the corners of my eyes,

My jaw aching from pain.

I buried my face deep in my pillow.

Everything felt so warm,

But so cold.

My heart aching from the truth,

That I didn’t even know yet.

Truth was he didn’t have to say it,

For me to know it.

To know my mascara stained pillows,

Would be because,

I lost everything I once knew.

-I lost my best friend, boyfriend, all in one.

I feel lost,

In a world so put together.

Look at me,

Everything looks so good.

But there’s an overwhelming sadness,

I feel it so deeply.

No one knows my pain,

From the tears streaming.

They burn my eyes,

And stain my cheeks.

I wish someone knew of this pain.

Maybe then they’d care,

Maybe then they’d help me.

-you don’t see how I’m dying more everyday

Sometimes

Just sometimes

He comes close

Instead of going closer

I run away

I don’t know why

But there is a living fear

That I myself

Can not identify

Just yet

-maybe it’s the masked men in the world we are scared off