I am at a loss of what to say

The feelings running amok in my head

The lump in my throat to big

I am broken

Shattered

Unable to comprehend

A life without you in it

First one

Now you

The cheerful ball of fur

With flirty eyebrows

Deep soul searching eyes

A purr that makes my heart sing

Along with the tiny snores that make me want to snuggle you

In 34 hours you will cross

Into that beautiful life

Where your brother is waiting

You are forever in my heart

A bounty of videos and photos

I have taken in the last few days

I bite my lip to hold back the tears

That overcome me in waves

Know I love you so much

I hope you've felt it

I've felt yours

You are my sweet pea

My peanut

My princess

My baby

My everything

More....

Than what you could give

I was confused

By what was offered

I needed

To feel that I was worth something

I craved

The same things you were giving to someone else

I should have

Never expected anything more

I should have

Never let my mind run with it

I understand now

It was nothing more than what it was

I am aware

That I mean nothing more than someone who is passing through

I hope

You are content with the situation

I must

Just let things go

Accept

I never was

I am nothing

I never will be

More than a name

We all go through it

It hurts

It stings

It is one of the worst feelings

Whether it be friends

Lovers

Family

It has happened

Dragging it out is worse than dealing with it head on

Silence is even worse

The things people promise then renege on

Time to think

Time to realize

A speck of dust

In the grand world

Is perhaps all I am

Realizing this

Pushes me to go quiet

The heart slows

The imagination quiets

Life goes back to what it was before

I can't change things

I can try to learn from them

The ones that will try

It will be harder

No trust

No openness

Whether family or friends

I will be more careful

When I hand over the little pieces of me

Who you get to know

Which side of me will it be

For the real me is buried deep down

Hiding now

Needing time to cower as the little person

Before being able to stand tall again

Such a classy man

You show up dressed to the nines

Suite and tie, your fancy socks

You are calm and cool on the outside

No glimpses of what you are like to the outside world

A little nerdy

The dad shoes are what made me giggle

The subtle messages before you arrive

The requests initially unsure

Then more explicit as you realized I am game

Your smell hits me first

The enticing mix of cologne and deodorant and you

The timbre of your voice

The touch of your soft hands

You've never removed my clothes

Always undressing ourselves

Revealing what's underneath

Exploring me

Pushing me

Moving past boundaries you've had

The composed man breaks

Revealing who you are underneath

Spewing words that make me drip

Hands on my skin

Teeth scraping

Fingers plunging deep inside

Stretching me to accommodate you

Filling me, stretching me

Sliding inside the wetness you've created

The words spoken calmly and evenly

Telling me how my pussy feels

Our bodies meld

Getting warmer

We are covered in a sheen of sweat

Moving me so you can deliver well placed swats to my ass

Making my cheeks pink

Making my pussy clench you

Till you tell me how tight I feel

How wet I am getting

Telling me to touch myself

To make me cum on your cock

That when I do I get tighter and wetter

Lost in the moment

I hear you tell me how you are going to fill my pussy

To the point that with each thrust your cum runs down my ass

The aftermath is me feeling like a boneless human

A feeling that hasn't happened

Laying there not wanting to move

A kiss on my lips

A murmured Happy Birthday

as we catch our breath

The mask goes back on with each button you do up

The composed man the outside sees

But I know the truth

Now if I can only push you to bring more of him out

I am left with the scent of you all over me

Marking me

My pussy sore from you

But a smile on my lips

The moon rose

Orange and full

The stars shined

Twinkled and bright

In the dark of the night

You took me

Into the shadows

Of both the night and my mind

Pushing me

Into the darkest corners

Teeth and hands

Marking me

Fistfuls of hair

Mouth full of flesh

You feast

You take

You drink from me

The cold never penetrating our bubble

The fires quenched

The darkness recedes

I wake to the morning light

With only dreams

Sensitive flesh

Marks left behind

And a promise of more to come

I want to feel you drip

Bantering back and forth as we always do

It had been a long time since we saw each other

Work has kept you away and family stuff for me

Your request came through early in the day

Expressing your want to taste me and feel me

Amping up with each message

Losing track of time

Standing at the sink, hands in the water

I watch you pull in, saunter to the door

Drying them, I turn to watch you enter my house

The glint in your eye

The light smile

Never conveys the thoughts you've expressed

Never showing the devilish side

Gripping my hair, you spin me so my back is to you

Teeth graze my neck and latch on to my shoulder

I feel you nip at me, making my skin come alive with goose bumps

Seconds later my shorts are gone

I am bent over with fingers probing me

Sliding between wet lips to seek entrance

First one, then two and then three

I push back to grind against you

Moaning against my lips

The onslaught continues relentlessly

You push me against the wall

Fingers making me drip

My face held against the wall with your other hand

Growling I hear you tell me how much you've missed my wet cunt

I hear your jeans open ands your hand leaves my face

Long enough to push them down and free yourself

Fingers replaced suddenly with your hard cock

Driving yourself deep in me I cry out

The stretch of my lips around you too much for me to comprehend

You push against my ass

Bent over as much as I can in the confined space of my hallway

I drop my shoulders and try and take you deeper

I hear you moan, let out a fuck

As you continue to drive into me

Pushing me into the wall

As suddenly as you've started

It's over and your fist in my hair directs me to my room

To my bed

Face down you throw me

Bending me at the knees so I am in direct line with your hands

Hardness slides between my lips

But I know it's not you

Finding my wet hole

You thrust it in and out, twisting with each pass

Over and over until I feel me dripping down my leg

Laughing, you stop, I feel you slide it in to the hilt

Pausing, I feel you push against me with your cock

Sliding inside underneath the dildo

I let out a loud groan as you start fucking me with both

You pause, use a hand to spread my lips

Fuck I love stretching your pussy, I love feeling how tight you are

I drive my face into the mattress in relentless moans

It's all I can manage

An unknown amount of time passes and I am yanked up

Kneeling in front of me, your cock standing straight at my mouth

Clean me, taste yourself on me, see what you do to me

As you thrust up into my mouth

I taste your cum, it leaking from you in tiny streams

You pull out and paint my breasts

I rub your tip all over my tits

Taking you back in my mouth

I tease you, suck you, lick you until you pull my head back

That's enough, you growl

You lean over and kiss me, biting my lip as you do

You grab your favourite red ring

Sliding over your cock and balls, it makes you swell and grow even harder

Grabbing my hips, you return me to my knees

Pushing my head into the bed, I feel the dildo enter me once again

Then it's replaced by your cock

Alternating, I soak both you and it

The last thrust you leave the dildo in my pussy

Circling my ass with your cock head

I feel the wetness from both of us

You push yourself in me with one thrust

A flash of pain replaced by ecstasy

I feel you thrusting yourself inside my ass

While your pushing the dildo in and out of my pussy

Time is suspended for a short time

I begin to play with my clit

Building up to an intense orgasm,I contract around the toy and squeeze it out of me

I hear it land on the floor

Your balls slapping against me, I am in the midst of my own orgasm

I feel you pause and then swell inside me, pumping streams of hot cum

Deep inside

Slowly we return to ourselves

You grow soft still in me

You lean over and take your nails down my back as I collapse

You pull out and cover me with your warm body

Nuzzling against me, all I hear is Hey.....good to see you

A face

A name

A person

I'd rather move forward

From the past

The stories about the others

I am now one of them

Words

Looks

Emotions

Turned off

With a flick of a switch

What once was

Can't be recaptured

But it's also not wanted

Not a part of the circle

The seat at the back in the corner

I'll take

Things said once upon a time

Have been retracted and forgotten

Retreat to the shadows

Hide in the dark

It's easier

Safer

Regret has happened

Wanting perhaps some timeback

But it is what it is

Learn

Grow

Be content

With just being with me

Sign off

Turn the lights off

Close up shop

Let the dust collect

On the relics of what was

Teasing

Lightheartedness

Teaching

Pushing

Done and over

I'll watch from afar

It's best if I do

Patch the cracks

Superglue used

Block the light

Put them back up

I know where I'll be

It won't be here

In the kitchen you find me

Pin me against the counter

Wind your hand through my hair

Bite me as your hands find their way under my shirt

Pinching my nipples, making me gasp

Feeling the weight of my breasts in your hands

Grind yourself against my back

Dip your hand down to my waist band

Pushing my shorts down as your fingers find my pussy

Roughly shoving your fingers inside the wet lips

Pulling me against you

Wrenching my head back as you take what you want

Drag me to the bedroom

Strip me and pin me

Feast on me with all your senses

Slowly flesh meets flesh

Fingers thrust inside

Making me drip

Drag me to the end of the bed

Lean over and slide into my waiting mouth

Let me make you hard and slick

Feel you grow inside me

The assault on my body doesn't stop

As you thrust inside me, your hands find my nipples and pussy

Pinching and sliding as you go

The moment I taste you I am without

Roll me over and your eyes wander to my waiting holes

Holding your hard cock in your hand

You pick

I feel you slide home

Legs pinned above

Telling me to spread my lips

To let you watch as you disappear inside me

You reach down

Rub my clit

Lean over and grab my nipple between your lips

You watch me for my reactions

Telling me how it feels to be inside

How you can feel me getting wetter and tighter with each thrust

Bring me to my knees

I taste a mix of us on your cock

Clean me, you demand

I obey

Flip me over

Spread my cheeks

I feel you slide between them

Quickly pushing yourself back in

My pussy pulls you in

Cum for me

Cum on my cock

I want to feel you squeeze me

I reach up

Spread my cheeks for him

I hear him moan

The long drawn out fuck escapes his lips

He grabs the fleshy globes in his hands

Digging in his nails

Slows his thrusting

Enjoying the show

My hands free of their duty

Reach down to my pussy

I spread my lips, finding my hardened clit

I begin to rub it

I feel your thrusts quicken again

The heat on my cheeks enhanced by several well placed slaps

The moans escape my lips with each one

Words pass your lips

Comments about missing my pussy

Me missing your cock

Focused on feeling your cock deep inside me

I close my eyes, reveling in the feeling of my clit becoming harder under my fingers

The tingling starts

The moaning quickens and gets louder

I hear you tell me your going to fill my cunt

Just as I reach my peak

I feel your cock swell

I feel you quiver with your hips grinding against me

Fuck me, the only recognizable words

You let me collapse onto my stomach

Covering me with your body

Quickened breaths begin to slow

Hands caress my skin

Memories come

Flood my mind

Not often enough

To make me inspired

Maybe things need to change

To spark that part of my brain again

Time will tell

Wind you hand through my hair

Dip you head to my neck

Taste my skin between your lips

Pull me tight against your chest

Tell me what you want from me

Show me what you want to do to me

Let it be about the glorious ride

From the beginning of the conversations

To the monumental finale

Make the small light inside me blossom

Make the black turn to light

Show me why I should open up to you

Make me want to tell you my secrets

Help me slay my demons

Hold me when they are gone

I will help you chase away your darkness

With everything I have

Honesty and respect

Openness and mindfulness

Be strong when I fall

Be kind when I crumble

Push me to expand my world

Teach me things to open my mind

Dominate not just my body but my mind

Take my soul and be gentle

Let me open up to you

You to me

Leave enough room in your world to have me

Let me show you I am enough

Be strong enough

Be open enough

Be truthful

Show me who you are and I will let you in

"Through it all, the family unit stayed together"

Such a simple sentence

But did we?

Left in a house when you went to work for 12 hours

Him already gone to a different town due to work

Me a teen and him a pre teen

Only really left while you went to work

But, no father around

It continued for a few more years until you both left

Two of us in an apartment for most of the time while you were living in a different town

I was 19 he was three years younger

How do you learn to grow up that fast

No guidance

No leadership

It's continued since then

The absentee man in our lives

Learning to not expect anything

You defending him but not liking some of the decisions

He made them without consulting you later in life

Taking you farther away

Looking at the two of us

We have had our own struggles

I only know glimpses of them

I have mine

I know all to well

Some too many to list

You look at us when we pass comments about him and him not being around

You act surprised that we have issues and emotions about it

But, really, how could you be?

Guilt is something he feels

Tries to make up for it

But, it is history repeating over and over

Even as adults

Learning to not expect anything

It's easier than to get hopes up

It trickles into my everyday life

A small bit of hope

But know that it will be dashed

I can hope that things could change

But this late in life

It's easier to believe that it won't