He lives two lives, one with regrets, one without

Looks to the left, looks to the right, all he can do is shout

Sits there and thinks, wondering what this life is all about

He begins to realize that he is completely filled with doubts

Doubts of all the who what when where and whys

Trying to figure out what's keeping him alive

Does all the stupid things just to try to die

He can't figure out how he survives

He servives with the secrets from the other side

He walks around with his eyes open wide

He runs and runs but he can never hide

Karma's a bitch taking him for a wild ride

He's a cheater in life with everything he does

Gets with every girl he can just because

Lies to everyone because it gives him a buzz

That's when he loses sight of everything and just sees fuzz

The fuzz he sees starts to get clear

His heart and soul is filled with fear

He runs to the bathroom to look in the mirror

He screams from the pain but can not hear

Feels all the pain from the people he killed

His blood stained hands give him a rushing chill

Digs all the graves for the bodies to fill

Then he digs a grave at the top of the hill

He hurts the ones he loved and kills everyone he knew

He screwed up his life by cheating his whole way through

Many didn't know about the cheating that was secretly true

So before they could find out, he decided his time was over due

He walked to the top of the hill covered in blood

The blood of himself and the others buried in the mud

For the first time in his life tears rushed out like a flood

The tears flowed into his mouth and once again he could taste the blood

He was sick of that strong never ending taste

He layed in the grave and said "everything's a waste"

Pulled out the needle filled with a bleach paste

Injected it into his body and with death he was faced

He laughed as his heart began to slow down

As he layed there still, six feet in the ground

The pain made him scream but he knew he would never by found

Then all of a sudden there was no sound

A man filled with evil just took his own life

After cutting out the heart of others with a dull rusty knife

Including the woman he once loved that he called his wife

Now he smiles in hell covered in the blood of life

The blood of a man who once preached

The blood of a man who once teached

The blood of a child who yelled help in a scream

Now his blood is drenched with bleach

He burns in hell but doesn't care

His sadistic laugh and evil stare

Haunting the living with his blood glare

He slowly kills you in a nightmare

He preys on victims like you and me

Cuts out your eyes so you can't see

You scream at him to let you be

The only way he will is by taking your life as a fee

When you wake up it feels like mud

You turn on the lights and your covered in blood

The blood of life is on your skin

Thats when your life has come to an end.

Don't judge a book by its cover is what we've been told by our mothers

But what's the first thing we do when we see a motherfucker

It doesn't matter if it's a sister or a brother, a fighter or a lover

The thoughts they just hover and they really can just cover up the real side of another

When you look at me you see a sarcastic happy white boy with a beautiful wife and child

You see a family man that's smart, has a good job, nice car

Hell add a decent home to that pile

What if I told you that you're just in denial

911 you should dial cuz while sarcasm is my style

It's not me. It's not me.

This grand gesture from this bland gester is just a cry out for hope

And its the only way I can cope while I'm sliding down this slippery slope

You see, in me is a lost boy like Peter Pan

But even though the fairy tales may say you can

This is real life so lost boys don't make it home

There's no fairy dust sprinkling to get you flown

No grand piano to play made of bone

There's not even GPS navigation on a cell phone

The fact of the matter is that I'm alone.

The light at the end of the tunnel I've been shown. But I can't reach it

They try to tell me how but they can't teach it. I can seek it.

But there's a barrier, wall I can't breach it.

There's an ocean to cross with no beach but

I can't swim

Fuck, the lights they just went dim. I give in.

I can't keep fighting this fight.

A fight for life. The fight for life. The fight for....death.

Truth is

I die a little inside each morning when I open my eyes and I realize that I'm alive

Beacause I'm dead inside, I want to die

I can't express it enough how much I want to take my last ride, say my last goodbyes

Go to the shore and walk out with the tide, but I wont

Because even though depression has me wanting it, I'm not ready

My hands they are not steady

I turn my life around and the way that it's heading I can survive.

I can make it out alive

I've got friends and family by my side.

No more feelings have to hide. Nothing bottled up inside

No fear of the fight, I'm not ready to die.

And suicide, the quick easy and weak way to be free

Well that's just not me. It's not me!

These thoughts won't ruin my life. I saught for help to win this fight.

Because surviving this fight, winning back my might, living my life

That is my right to say it is me.

This is me!

My soul has been tainted

My soul longs for the one I crossed paths with

The one I couldn't have met by chance but at the same time didn't stand a chance with

The one where in a blink of the eye the whole world sighed as time stood still as my soul died

My soul has been tainted

Tainted by love and true happiness

fulfilled by a life I could never admit

that I wanted so badly but would never get

She was the one I was supposed to grow grey with

The one I was supposed to walk hand in hand until we died of old age with

The one that made me believe in soul mates and

Beautiful times of perfection topped with undeniable lines of imperfections

But to each other we were all we needed

She was the air I breathed and everything seemed

To fall in place when I was in her presence

It was like Christmas time as an adolescent

The mure thought of her was a present

And every moment had me counting my blessings

But my soul is now tainted

I lost it all in the blink of an eye

For a moment of time I wanted to die

But through the hope things would improve given the time

Maybe one day her love would find mine

My soul has been tainted

I can't even look at another woman anymore

Everything's confusing like hell knocking on heavens door

I had to let her spread her wings and attempt to soar

But now it's my heart my soul my everything that's sore

At every heartbeat I feel it rip a little more

Every breath I take is like drowning at the shore

So close to safety but the ceiling has hit the floor

My soul has been tainted

Will I ever love again the way I once did?

Will I ever have joy again the way I once did?

Will I ever dream again the way I once did?

I sure hope so

But my hope is fading the truth I am facing

My mind is racing while by feet are pacing

Debating

Wondering why it's myself that I'm hating

Forget about that, it's the whole world that I'm hating

Why must I hold the weight, it's the universe that's misbehaving

The stars aligned and everything was how it should be

It was the universe that fucked up and turned its back on me

I'm not being selfish, I just want what I deserve

Don't I deserve true happiness in this prison called like that I serve

I guess not

Because my soul has been tainted

Never to be the same again

This fucking stench called life, when does death ever begin

I'm over it, my soul has been tainted