Please don’t tell him.

Only if I truly loved myself could I feel loved by him without faking my love.

I don't love him. I don't love him. I don't love him.

Until now, I haven't said this out loud,

because I want him to love me, because I am selfish.

If only the feeling of being loved wasn't so satisfying,

if only it didn't make me feel superior,

I would love him too.

But I don't.

I wish I could, but I don't.

I don't wish on telling you this.

I don't want you to stop.

Four minutes in and I knew I made a colossal mistake.

He is lying next to me like always except this time I can't hear his breaths.

We did it tonight like we always do except today I won and not him.

I'm not hurt, I'm not bleeding, I'm not crying, it's him, it's him tonight not me.

I feel terrified yet powerful in this moment, he deserved it..he deserved it, right?