You refused to say hello. You refused to say goodbye.

You let me lay awake at night while you chose to get high.

I wanted to apologize. I wanted you to forgive.

Each day that passed while you ignored me was a day that I wanted to end.

For eight days I waited, and for those eight days I cried.

I couldn't believe that I hurt you so badly; 

You wouldn't speak to me though I almost died.

And even a year later the thought of the waiting hurts.

The thought that you believed I had used you.

The thought that you wished I passed.

After the eight days I remember getting home, waiting for an answer.

After almost a year I still lay awake at night,

Wishing you said goodbye.

White, off white, 

Beige, grey.

Colors of the chemicals 

I rail everyday.

Started at fourteen, should end sometime soon.

I inhale thin lines

To stave away the gloom.

It used to hurt me to know that people didn't care about me.

I put my heart in everyone's hands and saw it crushed over and over again.

Then I got hit by a car at 40 mph and, like usual, barely anyone cared.

You have about a 15% chance to survive; I beat the odds...

Still that was not enough.

I quit taking pills and went to college...

That was not enough.

I apologized to people and tried to be happier...

That was not enough.

And after everything I've tried, I have come to realize that it is not me that isn't enough.

It's the people who never gave a damn that are not good enough for me.

This isn't so much a poem, a pretty piece or some prose.

It's more about the real life stuff, and about how karma is so real.

In high school I was sick, I suffered, and I was sad.

The people around me had stuck to me the label "bad".

And I tried to grow, tried to change; tried to rearrange the false ideas my peers had about me. 

All I had to do was wait, actually.

Now I am in high standing, I am healthy, and in college.

I have found my niche, and am not judged; I am revered.

The same kids who mocked me, hurt me, stole from me, lied to me and about me; those same kids keep getting into legal trouble!

Within the past five months, two people who wronged me deeply have faced criminal charges. I should not be surprised.

The same people who told me I would be nothing are now in a worse place than I ever have been.

I continue to grow, and they continue to be swallowed by the false belief that they are superior. 

I laugh at the idea that I was ever lesser. I laugh, now, because I am strong and they were always weak.