No! I said; please go away

I don’t want to be touched that way

But my words they went unheeded

For I had something that he needed

I am way too young to go through this

And my innocence I’ll miss

Please don’t rob me of my youth

I promise I won’t tell the truth

It didn’t matter that I said no

He wouldn’t stop; he refused to go

He told me that he cared for me

And this was how it ought to be

I was young, I hadn’t a clue

Maybe this was, what you were supposed to do

It didn’t really seem all that bad

And he treated me just like a dad

But time was not on his side

And he could no longer hide

Mom could tell that things weren’t right

And she called the police that night​

I’m so young, I hope I forget

I just was not ready yet

He shouldn’t have touched this young male

For now his spends his days in jail

Life goes on, and so do I

Sometimes I see my mother cry

Me, I’m just a happy teen

I hide my scars, where they can’t be seen

The walls are high, the climb is steep

Resistance is low, feelings are deep

Fighting hard to stay in control

All this emotion is taking it's toll

Trying hard to keep it all in

Not wanting to lose, by letting it win

Distance is both friend and foe

Wanting to stay, yet yearning to go

The battle rages everyday

I'm really not liking living this way

It's not right, it feels so wrong

Why is it going on so long?

Looking for the end of the tunnel

Trying to squeeze through life's funnel

Keep looking for that greener grass

For I know, this too shall pass

When I was 5, my mom left me in the car when she went shopping. When I did go in with her, she let me roam the store to look for the toy aisle. If I had to use the restroom, I went by myself. No, she wasn’t a bad mom deserving of having CPS called on her, that was the norm. Everyone did it. Sure, there were bad people, and yes, someone could have harmed me, but it rarely happened. The world was different.

When my son was 5, although there were a few times I wanted to leave him in the car while I shopped in peace, there was no way I would do so. Besides the fact that someone would call the authorities, I feared that someone would kidnap him. Once inside the store, he was with me at all times, he was not even allowed to go to the restroom without me, for fear someone might molest him. The world was different.

Today, my grandson is 5. I no longer want to even take him to a store, for fear he may get shot and killed. The world is different. AND THERE’S NOWHERE TO RUN.

#nowheretorun

There is a woman that I know,

Sometimes she’s friend, sometimes she’s foe.

She’s visted me a time or two,

To remind me that she’s informed of all I do.

Her teeth are sharp, and her nails are long.

Her reach is far, and her grip is strong.

It doesn’t matter where you are,

She’ll reach you by bus, she’ll reach you by car.

At times I have wished her upon another.

For a short or long stay, one or the other.

Her magical powers I’ve prayed to share,

With others who deserve her mystical fare.

She certainly can change your life.

She can fill it with agony, shame and strife.

Other times she brings happiness, joy, and fun.

It just depends on the things you have done.

She’s bold, she’s large, she’s far and wide.

She’s the sun, the moon, the Earth, the tide.

So live your life like someone is watching all you do,

Because one day, Karma, is going to get you too.

#karma #bitch #watching #watchingyou #getyou

A dream is something you hold onto

A wish is something you put out there

You chase a dream

You spread your wishes

You work towards your dream

You hope others work your wishes

Not everyone has a dream

Everyone has lots of wishes

My dream is for all my wishes to come true

#Dream #Dreams #Wishes #Dreamcometrue

Suicide, the taking of your own life

after suffering some sort of painful strife.

Sometimes it seems to be the only way

of making the bad just go away.

It's not something everyone can understand

It's not the way out we all would have planned.

But sadness, depression, hurt and pain

can cause the mind to go insane.

Many call it a very selfish thing to do

Because there are other ways to cope, it's true.

But when a brain just cannot rest

That person feels they are doing what's best.

Some go silently and some with a bang

Some want to jump, while others hang.

Some do it to calm the voices in their head.

All believe they are better off dead.

If it's something you are thinking about

If you feel it's the only way out,

Please just think before you do

Perhaps there is someone who can be there for you.

Suicide is not a victimless crime

It affects many for a very long time.

Your pain may end when it's all done

But someone else's has just begun.

#Suicide #Poetry #Death #Help #pain

I sent a text with no reply

I called your mother to find out why

I asked her if you were there

For her answer, I could not prepare

She told me that you were dead

She said you had died there in your bed

She said it happened the week before

And she didn’t have my phone number anymore

How could this be, I just talked to you

You thought you might just have the flu

You said you were starting to feel okay

I never thought you would pass away

I felt your death was my fault somehow

And if things were different you’d be alive now

You took it hard, you took it rough

When our kind of friendship just wasn’t enough

When I couldn’t love you as you did me

When my love wasn’t filled with the same intensity

You took to the bottle to numb your mind

In alcohol, peace, you did find

My grief was filled with guilt and shame

Would you be alive if I had loved you the same?

I cried for you and cried for me

I couldn’t deal with that possibility

I needed answers your mom could not supply

I wanted to know how I wanted to know why

I spoke to your brother with whom you had limited ties

And found out our relationship was founded on lies

He described to me a man I never knew

He told me about the real you

Secrets you kept totally hidden away

I was introduced to a new man that day

I didn’t even know the real guy

That sat there and looked me in the eye

And told me about a life that he didn’t live

Hoping for the sympathy I would give

And now I’m not sure what to do

How do you grieve for a man you thought you knew?

The things you told me, were they ever true?

I’m not quite sure how to go about missing you

I feel our relationship was filled with deceit

And now it’s messing with my grief

I’m sorry that you died that night

I’m also sorry you never made it right

I grieve for a life taken too soon

For a man, whose music lost its tune

For a lost soul who didn’t know what was true

I grieve for me not knowing you

You are a worthless human being

You should never be heard and barely seen

I wish I never took a stance

I should have aborted when I had the chance.

I've been following this person for so long

It’s funny but chasing them never felt wrong

I had such a burning need to feel her touch

I never knew I needed it this much

And then one day she beckoned me

I wanted to turn, run and flee

But she had a gun to my head

So I submitted to her instead

She holds me hostage every day

But honestly I don’t want to get away

For my captor as you see

Is just the smarter side of me