For as long as I can remember

this grandfather clock lost it’s chime

it’s beat always off

never quite polished to that right note

tepid feathers rustle behind me

where is there to fly when the sky is falling?

I hold out my hand and wait; I know this feeling all too well

for I’ve always been here, in this hot white space

the time is off, the sun doesn’t shine

I am unloved because

I am a cursed being

and no one could love someone

who’s soul was stolen

under the bright white moon

I’ll gently waft away

echoing off the whispers of the clouds

if you listen, you can hear

that the wind still speaks of me

remember me in the lows and highs

that I dragged you under

I was a current too strong

it’s longing that keeps me at bay

I wish for nothing more than to be a memory;

my heart is burning up, you see

god’s greatest hand couldn’t mend me up.

The teardrops that rain relentlessly down -

was it worth it all?

I can’t love anymore

you taught me the meaning of hatred

detestable, loathing; scorn

When I thought I knew how to curse a name

oh, how I was wrong

my blood boiled for one cause

and the talons of my heart will eat you up

and spit you out

if only I could forget

the first time I said hello

I was a fool to take comfort

in your voice.

you taught me about betrayal

about

crying so hard, I couldn’t breathe

come see, the flowers are bleeding red

in memory of

the soul I once had

the universe’s doors creak and moan

under the pressure of my mind

and though it’s been so long

that we’ve seen the sunrise

today, I sit and wonder

am I really all alone?

time basks under the willow tree

where weeping is a constant

the hollows of the bark

hold the secrets of the world

yesterday I wished for the sun

but today, I want to lay in the moonlight

and I truthfully have to wonder

how far have you gone, and why?

If you stay by my side

my heart will burn you

first with little flickers

and then an eruption of arson

I want everything all to myself

I need to hear I am loved at

least 100 times a day

smother me with your affection

suffocate me with your adoration

I want my high back

that feeling I knew when you

craved me

(it’s long gone)

I’m a ghost aching for desire

delicate, fluctuating, possessive

everything you are is mine

has it been 1 hour or five days since I thought of all those I once loved

I steep in the deep crevices

hoping for them to fill

up with the crystal waters

those mystics told me of

but there’s none to hear of

just the echo of my own shadow

and if I want company

I know I’ll just get attached

a warm hand’s a dark road

when you’ve got nothing to hold onto

I’ve got only myself

no lights to work with

no fire to kindle

I walk on a dirt path

reaching for survival

My crinkled lungs fill up and release

Today, it’s time to be a person

I’ve only known the feeling of

what never was;

murmuring myself to sleep

on whispers of a better hour

But I do not know the universe

I only know myself

I know how softly I cry

And almost every day.

I wish on, like skipping rocks on a riverbed

where the water reverberates unknowingly

I curl up on myself, hair falling over my sight

I close my eyes, open them again, and keep walking

The starlight shines dimly and I can be myself

But I am not someone who is bright

8-11-15

what is worth a summer’s days

the wind blows to collect the fragments

our old sun has left over

and when it does come to past

the memories

we treasure and hate

It sits with you

The neighbor’s wind chime rings

do you remember who you were

a year ago?

If I were to touch the sky

Surely I’d only find only

the cracked globe covering us

a fragile glass

stale

unrelenting

and burning us with shame

The days never do get easier