i don't understand

why i'm dreaming of you.

i've never been the kind of girl

that fantasizes about the

person she loves,

that daydreams

(or nightdreams).

i know it'll never happen.

i know that.

usually i don't allow my mind

to wander this far.

i tell myself not to get my hopes up.

yet, here we are.

in the morning i'm

waking up every thirty five

minutes and coaxing my

still cloudy brain

to return to its slumber.

just a little while more.

it's as if, when

the sandman comes,

he sprinkles dust

from venus in my eyes.

i just want to lay in

your arms, and feel

your lips on my

forehead...

and in dreams, of course,

it all feels so real.

so i indulge in that

useless wishful thinking,

scolding myself

the whole time.

i never wanted to become

attached to you,

so the moment i felt that

little seed of warmth in my chest,

i buried it under dirt

piles of doubt and resistance.

i left that little seed

alone under the soil, because

i knew growing the

plant that is love comes with

thorns.

but you -

you cared for that seed.

you watered it with laughter and

there was sunshine in your touch.

so, as a result, the plant

grew and grew;

sprouting and stretching

and budding and

blooming.

you clipped every thorn

you could, choosing to

bloody your fingers instead

of having me bloodying mine.

i never wanted that seed to sprout,

but you forced it to grow...

and i can't thank you enough.

because yes, the

plant that is love comes with

thorns,

but the flower is too beautiful

to live life without seeing.

when i tell you that i

have food allergies,

this is not

the appropriate response.

so don't get mad

when i sigh.

if a girl speaks

in the middle

of a crowded hallway,

but nobody around cares

enough to listen,

does she still make a sound?

when i look at him, it's what i get: silence.

the voices in my head shut up for a moment as our eyes connect.

it's weird,

because somehow he manages to turn off the white noise in my mind and fill my brain with cotton at the same time.