ISN'T IF IRONIC

HOW I LOVED U SO EASY

BUT FORGETTING U

IS SO LONG

AND I'M CONSTATLY WONDERING

DO U MISS ME NOW THAT

WE DON'T TALK ANYMORE?

i turned cold because i was afraid of falling,

now the course of us; is breaking,

save yourself my darling,

kill the love that's dying.

my tired heart reflects my tired eyes,

our souls sleep, our memories lie,

spent everyday with you on my mind,

don't u think that it's killing me too hard?

kill me one last time, and look at what we have become,

empty hearts that spare no one,

the flowers in my heart are withering,

and your image in my mind starts disappearing

i held the door, you walked out,

loving is so short, forgetting is so long,

we became heroes, even just for days,

i don't want you gone but you don't stay.

i'm the person that listens to you, almost everyday,

you vanished suddenly, standing in the way,

i'm tired, living with my heart desolated,

but i think it's dead.

even if you don't miss me back,

i hope there's someone who would supply my lack,

i know that this love is one-sided,

i hope you remember the way how our worlds collided.

i know that someday you will try to find me. but by the time you find this letter, i will have gone wandering, with you in my thoughts to somewhere far away, somewhere so different. i will not tell you where i'm going because you might come after me. i think it's better if you don't know.

i expect that when you finally see this, you'll be angry, but i have become adept at never expressing what i really think and feel that i find it simpler to let them flow through a pen.

pushing myself away from you and creating a great distance between us was one of hardest decisions i have ever made, but it's all because i want to protect you. your world and mine are such different places. perhaps they were identical for one moment, but that was just it. everything about you was a striking contrast to everything and around me.

i crossed the line - from where i was in control of my emotions to where my emotions were in control of me. you filled my depressing and bleak existence with colors that i had never seen before.

but in all, we are only a moment. we are only transient guests of each other's life. maybe you were just a phase in my life. and maybe, i was in yours too.

ive learned a long time ago that you can't save people from themselves or from life. its their job to do that. its my job to figure it out on my own. that is what i am trying to do. save yourself and carry one. live. grow. explore. get to know people. look after yourself.

the uncertainty of the future dangles over us, and i will never know where your heart will take you but i'm certain that there will be a time for us to see each other again. and by that time, i hope both of us have healed.

sorry for the silence.

thank you for existing.

even if we never talk again, i will always wish you well.

your first mistake was loving someone who doesn't know what love really is. It was giving them the power to ruin you, giving them enough strength to crush your soul with two fingers, and even worse - a few words. your second mistake was telling them how much you need them, how your soul longed for something like this, how you can't even imagine long nights without them. your third mistake was falling too fast for the idea of who they were, the soft hints of hate you missed in their words, the points of concern you should've noticed. your fourth mistake was loving them more, loving each bruise and bone, being convinced that each scar had a story, even when it didn't. Connecting dots on their back into constellations and secretly wishing this would last forever, baby no, you can't wish on stars that aren't bright. and they were always dark and dull - they looked at you with bored eyes, you were convinced they were only ever tired. they held you with careless, clumsy, arms. arms that never shook from holding on too tight, you kissed with motionless lips, slept with a body and no soul but, it's not your fault. It's easy to fall for an idea especially when it's got big brown eyes and a heartbeat that sounds like your favorite song.

i tell you, right here, right now. loving someone who is broken and scarred does not give you the guarantee to become lucky. what's worst is that you have to become patient and understanding - even how time takes up over heart. now, i tell you. how one should be careful in loving someone who has brown eyes and puckered lips. they are the warnings your parents warned u about, they are the plants that are in your garden wanting to be watered, they are the pouring rain outside, they are the twinkling stars in the night sky, they are the fruits hanging up on the trees. this is how one should be careful enough. they are everywhere. they are in the air, in the dark, in the silence. loving someone, in general, is a fountain. it cannot stop and will forever pour out of the sink. it will flow and it will surround your veins, will gratify the blood that is in your body. it will feel warm, it will feel red. it will be passionate, will be burning. but in the simplest sense, loving someone is a universe. it is conspired between planets and destinies, constellations and blackholes. it cannot be defined through scented waters and air, but it can be seen through kindness and affection but be careful in loving someone with broken pieces. it can hurt you in the process. with every affection given comes tragic reciprocation. it can leave you hanging, messed, damaged, and ruined. it can pull out the deepest secrets, it can unveil the mask you're wearing, or it can reveal the book you've been keeping. but despite the odds , continue to love. even if its fleeting and overwhelming. even when it can possess and take over you. continue to love because of moments and flashes, and because you are free and open to love. love between old bedsheets and dark vinyls. love along with the vast night sky with hot coffee and a book. love along with fireflies and shooting stars. love with sugar rushes and most importantly, love with stardust.

from the light of the bulb,

i see you in the brightness,

smiling at me, shining for me,

like the stars; stars in your eyes,

spark and and shine like a kaleidoscope,

make me wild and infinite,

the big bang of your love,

breaking like puzzle pieces,

hittung me like lightning,

making me frozen.

maybe it's you and me,

just in different worlds,

separated by destiny,

and the infatuation,

scar me, pin me,

love me, unlove me,

but still i love you.

his name comes up with the blue lilac sky, freshed up

face from the clouds, he stirs,

his name comes from the home,

angels, birds, and even stars.

i see him go and come,

he comes in every face i see,

and your name breaks me up everytime

i hear it,

and it either leaves me or loves me.

and just like that, it takes me

everywherr and anywhere.

i am finding myself

through the cities and town

that live in my silhouettes

but the more

that i think of

finding myself the more

i want to find you in every face

in every voice or in

every hand

i touch

the walls give in

the stairs fade

my house

on fire

shot me in the heart

that left

me hopeless

through the cracks

but sorry for my pity self

the more i want to find me

the more i want to find you