i used to smile at its indecisiveness

wanting to approach me

seeking to at least touch a toe

but pulling back with hesitation

showing all its hidden feelings poked by thrown-away glass

and bottles of unread messages

and impure residue of oil

i did not want to leave

but one of us had to decide eventually

we are always holding hands

linking our fingers together

never wanting to let go

but you leave me

my friends leave me

my family leaves me

and i am alone

eventually i leave myself

i am sorry

you know that

you are sorry

and i know that

but we still hold on

we are stuck 

fists tight

eyes fixed

feet grounded

the only things moving are

our hearts, beating

together

as one

ripped off price tags.

worn.

feels comfortable 

until you see a hole 

until you see a loose fabric strand

undoing itself slowly

until you see exposed skin

now you want to return it

give it back 

and never see it again

but you cannot

it is not returnable 

it is yours

feet sores

hunched back

raspy throat

uneven breaths

brittle stick cane

exhausted eyes forward

rough clawed hands

lack of focus

confused and dazed

forward body but

nostalgic reluctant mind

take me back.

take me 

back home

but right now

i

feel like 

falling

to

the floor

where burden is lifted 

off of my statue physique

i want to break

my breakedness

and be free from              all of it.

let us fall back to Before.

We had nothing.

No house.

No car.

We lost everything on our way here.

Spare clothes.

Food. 

Water.

Just bare necessities to get by.

We lost it all.

But despite that, I had one thing.

A feeling of security and safety.

An aegis.

The home you have created

in your arms.

Your arms, our blankets

on the cold nights.

Your arms, our arms

meeting in warm embrace.

Your arms, our strength.

Your arms, our confidence.

Your arms, our everything.