Bleeding It Out

The feeling build up inside me 

I can't express them like most people do 

I am not allowed to 

I would be a "cry-baby" 

I would be a "drama-queen" 

all the things friends and family called me 

when I was young, just a child 

no one said it was okay 

no one held me or helped me 

my friends mocked me, called me names 

my parents got mad, told me to git over it 

I can not show the feelings again 

as a little kid I hurt myself 

when I was mad and could yell 

because my parents would git mad 

so I cried and hit myself 

bang my head on the wall 

I would bite myself 

I sometimes would git sad instead of mad 

I would take my dad's hammer 

hit myself, hoping to brake a bone 

I would go to the back yard 

take a big brick and 

throw it at my foot 

then I grew up 

and now I cut 

now I like to bleed 

I bleed out the pain 

I bleed out the feelings I can't show 

I bleed out all the depression

all the bad feelings 

banging around in my head

in my stomach and my heart 

I bleed it all out 

and then I feel free 

I feel numb

the good numb 

not the numb that 

makes you feel like you have no soul 

the numb that tells you 

you're okay now 

the bad feelings are gone 

now self harm is everything 

it keeps me going 

it keeps me from dying 

from killing myself 

the razors and blood 

the opened skin 

it keeps me alive