Rhinestone cowboy

I grieve for those days of innocence

when I rested my head on your lap

safe from a world of harm

basking in your warmth

confident it was unconditional

sure as the earth rises each morning

I would meet you where you were

glad to be beloved

happy to love

without regard for myself

moulding me into you

all was well till I tried to stand

I needed reminding of your fears

your loyalty to convention

your compromise was to be my own

your sacrifice, my sworn path

conflict was born much too late

maybe I shelved it to slumber

a little longer by your side

even then I realized you wouldn’t tolerate

backtalk from baby

established authority couldn’t be questioned

especially by the likes of me

helplessly dependent weakling

somehow I didnt swallow the red pill

war raged on within

much as I meant to keep it a secret

it broke out all over my face

spread to newspaper pages

the hollow within the follower was told

despite all attempts to keep it in the fold

I hoped this meant you could shed

your burdens too

step off a matyrs’ pedestal

to live abundantly among open folk

tethered as you were to it all

I couldn’t save you

as I see now this is yet another

pathological hope

to be seen by you

so I remain alien

a strange thing walking on three legs

foreign to all that is right

my actions are lost in translation

our common ground is now a spit

knowing the high price

I had to pay for my territory

it’s clear this is nature’s doing

where life persists, growth is inevitable

I refuse to maime myself to suite you

hence our awkward relations

I pen this memo

to explain to my lonely heart

that I did all I could

to salvage my image of you

pray we meet again

in truth, understanding and acceptance

for there is still time

till then, take care

I know I will