the cost of children’s hospitals

it is as if

we didn’t make it out alive

because you and i

aren’t really living anymore

we are just getting by

doing our best together

yet living separate lives

our daughter

made it out of the hospital

for the second time

this month

you yelled at me

for asking too many questions

to the doctors

but i’m just

a worried mom

wanting to take her child’s

pain and distress away

and i think

that is all

you see now

a trait

you never hesitate

to say

is the weakest part of me…

my sensitivity.

but if sensitivity

is my weakness

then let me be

weak

because it means

i feel every cry

that she cannot voice

it means

i carry the weight

you refuse to see me carry

it means

i am the one

who stays up

watching her breathe

just in case

she stops

and still

you call it soft

like softness

is something shameful

like caring

is something

to grow out of

but i will not harden

just to make you

more comfortable.