No Longer Human

Even the lightest interactions are heavy

Just a smile carries the weight

Was there ever a time of black and white

When being a good person wasnt up for debate

I act a clown because its easy

For me and they all seem to enjoy

I fear them more with every laugh

Wind me up like a child's toy

Im here for others comfort

But through their ease I feel it too man

I just wish we were the same species

When did I become no longer human

I act, perform and entertain

Its easier than telling them all

About what I am and how long I've been

Running on instinct, the show must go on

Its a three ring circus in my living room

Im bouncing a ball on my nose and I'm jumping through hoops

I give them all of what they want

Because if I dont know who I am then I've got nothing to lose

Everybody here likes a me that doesnt exist

A ghost of a personality, a human spirit if you will

I float along everybody's lives

Like a ship thats lost its sail

I've thrown my anchor overboard

But the chain wasnt attached

When I lied for the first time

There was no looking back

The alcohol smoothed the mechanism

Slowed the assembly of gears

It quickly became my medicine

And I took that vitamin every morning for years

I draw my cartoons

Sometimes meaningful but mostly they're not

If anybody ever looked deeper

They probably could've connected the dots

There comes a sweet solace

Right before I close my eyes at night

Where I ask myself is all of this

Mine or someone elses life