What’s Eating You?

I’m hungry but I can’t seem to eat. Gazing down the rows of packages decorating aisle after aisle in the store. Walking into a hornets nest and hoping they don’t notice me. The bustling drone of chatter and daily monotony.The people move their heads on a swivel, eyes bulging and burning holes in my skull but I never look up. They stop, sensing my approach, each movement synchronous with one another. They leer and spit on the glossy floor.

My stomach aches with every lingering look at a potential meal. Each shiny printed promise printed on every label ensures a bountiful feast with one small purchase. One stick of butter shall grant your wish to consume a full loaf of bread next to a warm bowl of soup in your enchanted country cottage. My tummy whines and paws at my muscle wall like a dog. But I’m too tired to eat. I can barely stand here. It took so much energy to convince myself to get here that all I can think about is falling asleep on the floor.

I crave a wholesome meal, but I really want to sit down. I lose time and money with each preparation and bite. One mouthful and there goes another fistful of dollars. A whole evening chucked out the window trying to chop and mince and dice. Then a sink full of dishes to wash and dry and put away. All to sit down and eat at ten o clock at night. A fridge stuffed with leftovers I won’t eat and more clutter from condiments to never use again. Then at the office you realize that you had no time to prepare anything for work because you wasted your night cooking. Everyone suddenly notices all your flaws and failures and it isn’t long before you’re fired and unemployed.

And so many produce items are being recalled lately. Filled with bugs, bacteria, and god knows what. Grab something from a diner and I’m throwing it up hours later and I’ve got to cross another food off my list. Eating out is expensive anyways.Then again those processed snacks are laced with possibly life shorting chemicals and additives. Maybe just a bagel won’t hurt. It says organic and whole wheat and I pretend this translates to safe.

Get sick, get broke, get fired. That’s what's on the menu tonight. But I want to eat. Instead of sheep I lie awake counting all the flavors of pie I could consume in one sitting. After sinking my teeth into a baked potato.

I eat my dinner in the cold car in the store parking lot. It’s so exhausting just chewing. My mom says she’s worried, but that’s nothing new. Once I get home I realize I didn’t get anything for breakfast, again. By now I’m worn out and it’s time for bed. I guess I’ll just dream of something sweet for dessert tonight.