Anti-Everything Me
love of my life, i called you
but you put me on hold again.
you say i get too far ahead of myself, so my heart sinks into the ground like a plane crash.
you say the plans i make
you don't want
a future you refuse to see
you justify it as postponed plans for now, better this way you say.
but i am convinced
you're just anti-everything
me
because I’ve spent 1000 nights looking for the love of my life to love me again.
now i give up on the edge of the sofa like an item in the lost and found never picked up.
watching you from inside the bin
admiring how you give a phone all the attention I wished for easily
now time brings me worries
there doesn’t seem to be enough time now.
not like when we were teenagers time stretched out forever
Midnight Blockbuster trips
movies without interruptions
a race to return the DVD
24 hours and we never got a late fee.
we appreciated time when we were younger it makes me miss the old versions of us.
it was a different world so long ago before Google was even born.
this new era seems to have taken you from me.
i can’t finish a sentence
because you've heard it all
i can't hold your attention for more than sixty seconds
no more questions
to figure out together
you say google it
here i am
asking the AI
how should
couples
move forward
in a broken state
it couldn‘t
understand
how tired
I had
become
of missing
a person
who was across
the room
it kept giving me advice
to get rid of the devices and invest in couples therapists.
but option two too expensive to hire and the device too precious to jail.
a phone that will always win his attention over mine.
Time now worries me.
I’ve came
to the conclusion
that maybe he is right.
maybe I ask for too much…
maybe I’m the worst person for him to love…
maybe I don’t deserve mothers day
candle light dinner escapes…
I never thought I was worth a celebration either.
But I do know in this new world we live in i am no soulmate of yours.
I am more like a reel he swipes up before i could even make a sound.
As he holds
the phone closer
than he holds me
and I wonder
if this love can survive
in a world
designed to distract.