You played your game and played it well,

Don't you think I knew?

In this empty room I tell myself

I'm sorry I'm a fool.

I saw the scheme, what you willed I believe,

Dismissed the nauseating truth.

And still every time I wake,

I always reach for you.

To the place you never were,

The one I saved for you,

Longed for you to take

And hoped could yet be true.

But just like all your words,

It never was fulfilled

And even knowing what would come,

I'm not ready for it still.

So I lay awake pretending

That a scent of you remains,

And ignore what my tears reminds me,

That space only ever held their stains.

How do I hold such delusional hope

And a faith that has no bearing,

When on all the things I've held so close,

I lost my grip so easy?

That you were my only reason for living,

Would surely be a lie.

So now that you've left me without you,

Why do I wish I could die?

If there's a dream beyond all reason,

One worth it to be had,

I'd say I dreamt you held me still,

And that we could have all the good without the bad.