Graveyard of hope

People see my silence on the surface

she's happy, she's calm

inside I’m a storm

external silence – internally violent

a war, battle lines unclear

I’m in the trenches alone

there’s no hope left

I’m a graveyard of hope

how can I feel hopeful

when every day is the same

the same pain, the same war in my brain

each day an attack – again and again

am I insane? do others feel the same way?

how can I continue when all I feel is shame?

I don’t want to die

But I don’t want to be alive

living in this pain

- I can’t even see

a way out of this chaos

there’s no hope, it withered and died

I’ve learned the art of a lie

just smile and say I’m fine

I hold a secret inside dewy palms

– I’m a mess inside

this war in my mind

has me so blind, I can’t see who I’m fighting

I’ll never make it out – It’s frightening

I’m petrified of myself

- I’m the invisible enemy

when I’m gone – left behind – “broken” is my legacy

the complexity of thought has me tied up in it’s devilry

inside my head, I’m running from my captor

who will punish me without empathy

my destiny is written,

there’s no way out,

it’s the death penalty