Scarlett Imagination

I remember huddling over a kitchen sink

Screaming at the knife I was holding

Convincing it to liberate me

It never screamed back

Never convinced me to stop nor go

Pinning me to a life that wasn't worth wanting anymore

I imagined the red splatter across counter tops

Drip dropping onto a clean tile floor

A Scarlett portrait of my happiness

Painted around a floating girl

Beautiful straight lines

Halos and wings as I lie on the floor

Face peaceful after all this time

Finally relieved of a long-help obligation to a reality I never chose

I dreamt of never having to wake up again

Of bed time joys that never ended

Of infinity inside of my own head

Because my demons did not thrive off of my own mind

They were fed by hatred and tension

Awkward interactions where no one knew what to say to the girl they were just mocking when she showed up

Sneers from the table when she corrected them in class

Never mind that they had asked for her help to start with

The pain in my stomach when people laugh will never go away

My knuckles will always be scarred

From times I punched cement instead of painting Scarlett with my wrists

Coping mechanism for the weak willed

Just because I was able to burn away the walls and canons does not mean I no longer face the heat

But fires grow dimmer

Leave behind ash to grow a new tomorrow

Plant a garden and not a citadel

Lose track of time marveling at beauty and not death

Learn to love life from the source of it all and treasure what you once thought didn't deserve a chance to thrive

Let hurt fall like breadcrumbs on a trail

Helping you to remember

How far you have come