No Promises

I can not promise I will love you

Even if you love me

Even if you pour your heart into my mold

Even if you take my hand and guide me to a place where I can love myself

Even if you make me happy

Even then

I give you no promise

If I did

I would break it

I have tried so hard

Again and again and again

To love in return

As payment for happiness

As a reward for trying

But my love is no reward

No matter how hard I try

I will not love you by default

Not by my weakness

Nor by my vulnerability

I am arbitrary

A freak of nature

Set in my ways and always last to know

But I see

I am a force but will never force myself into a persons arms whom

I don't love

You

Can try all you want

If I love you

I will love you with my being

With my passion

They say I feel more intensely than others

I am the sun

I will blaze and burn and heat

All for you

But I will not love in exchange for kindness

I could try

It will never work

I could tell you I want to love you

But if you expect my love

I think that I would be lying