My Disorder

When I was younger I was diagnosed with a mood disorder at the time it was just DMDD or dysfunctional mood dysregulation disorder but now that I'm older it's odd (officinal defiant disorder) and DMDD. It makes me feel powerless having to take meds and go to therapy just to control the fact that I can't control my disorders, my mood... One year I lashed out and said something some kid said I was so pale I looked dead so I had said he looked so black but I never finished it then I started getting called a racist for the whole year and that pushed me to do something I regret to this day I started Self-Harm. I had no one until I started making online friends online I felt in control of myself and who I was and I found myself along the way. on bad days my online friends helped me comfort me and helped me slip into my little space to help myself but on good days we laughed messed with each other and joked around. Over time after being sent to mental hospitals and residential I got better I got my confidence back I got my happiness back so even though I still struggle with self-harm I'm getting better and that's all that matter. I love my friends my family and most importantly myself and I won't let anything get between me from being happy ever again.