This isn't how it was supposed to be

In lust with the pain, begging for release

So angry I can't stand to let go and just breathe

Why did I fall for you, why do I stay

When I feel it so clear at the end of every day

You don't want me near, wouldn't care if I walked away

And I guess better it stays hidden maybe but

The raging inside me seems so contradictory

To the quiet, lax stillness that everyone sees

But still if I told you, myself, honestly

I feel nothing but calm when you're finally next to me

And the hold you have over me, I wish I could sever,

Let my stupid heart be free

But as long as you have it, I'll probably forever

Keep hoping for what you won't be