train trials

I’m sitting on the train with my head leaning on the shiny metal railing thinking about what you were hoping to gain from me, and if you gained it

I am sitting on the train thinking that I will never find someone to love me more than they have loved anyone else

I am a tender girl with tender feelings. I have so much love inside of me it is leaking out of every orifice of my body. And turning into waste that rots on the sidewalk

And it’s running down the cracks of the pavement and onto the road and as people walk by they trudge through what used to be my happiness

But all it is now is an inconvenience, an embarrassment

As the doors of the train open, the coldness and the snow sweep in and out of the car quickly, as if realizing it had made a mistake

Knowing where it stands, it retreats back into the air, and out of this depressing subway car

And I thought that I was happy, and I feel like I am not allowed to be sad. And I still can’t figure out

What I saw in you