Random thoughts

i always believed i was strong enough, always thought that i am capable of all the rocks life shall throw but i now find myself down with a hit of a pebble

i am not strong nor am i solid , i am fickle weak and breakable and i hate myself for that

i gave my all to the wrong people something i never thought i would do, i always thought my self as this discrete person but all my secrets have found away to get out

, i thought myself to be independent and now that i am alone i feel the ground shaking sending chills to my stomach nauseating my body buzzing acutely  in my mind

i am scared ; all the chaos is crawling everywhere lurking under my feet and i feel my self drowning

 i am panicking my brains out, sleep never heals my constant state of fatigue, air never sustain my constant need for breath and pain never ceases 

 i am terrified my brain is killing me pulling all the strings in my head tampering me like  a doll my life is the long running play and my feet are shaking 

i am screaming, no one turns around my nightmare is this world i have no voice i can't be heard

i am sorry i lied to me, i pretended to be someone i can never be , i was made to believed i am made of steel i never realized i am as tenuous as a the sewing thread i desperately need for my fractured bones

i am tired and no other word can better describe my status, i crave rest for my mind and body but my soul is set on self destruct and it is too late to run away