chains

chains

are breaking

and it’s so hard to believe

because

for so many months,

over a year

i couldn’t walk

and i couldn’t breathe

your strength

diminishes

every time he

offers a smile

or shows me the stars

because he knows

how to love me

he knows how to care

and it proves

over and over

that you were never real.

and you never

ever

knew me at all

if i look away

he jumps for my gaze

and when my heart

starts to

hurt

he wraps it up

and keeps it safe

images emerge,

flashbacks replay,

but he clouds them

shields me

and we wash

your pain, your name

down

the drain

i don’t have to

try so hard

to fit this perfect image,

to be what he wants

because i already am

and now i have to learn.

it was never about

helping

there was no

happy ending

whatever i worked for,

towards,

was only figmented

by my own sense of hope

but everything you gave me

was so fake

it was never even there.

do you know

how the sunshine

can be such a lie?

how it promises warmth,

and light.

it’s so much

like you

because it always runs away

and only when it’s colder,

when the loneliness arrives,

does the moon swoop in

to show the truth

and save me.

you had your hold

abused your power

destroyed a pretty soul

left her wandering

defenseless

and completely

devoid

of

everything.

maybe you won

i was so trapped,

so blind

by fantasies

that i couldn’t

escape your

control

now it’s so funny

that i thought you could

be good

because i didn’t really know

what that word meant

until i saw blue again,

felt a new embrace

and everything was

so desperately clear

that you would never change

and i had to run away

breaking

letting go

moving on

healing

they all have new meanings to me now

a short time ago

they all

meant

the worst

and i can surely

proudly

confidently say

that i am alive

i survived.

because you were right,

like the devil,

you’re a demon.

and you killed me

so many times.