counting
it’s always been fact
known to every ignorant man
that time was limited
and now
now we know its true extent
seven days
is “all” we have left
but that’s more than enough.
do you know how simple it is
to let go of everything
when your hold was never
strong enough to begin with?
do you know
how painful it is
to wake up
seven days in a row
wishing you hadn’t
because all you feel
is an empty
aching
heavy numbness
and yet you feel nothing.
when you’ve fallen into a hole
with no visible light
hope
or escape
and you’ve lost track of time
friends
and yourself,
seven days becomes three months.
the minutes tick away
agonizingly slowly
and your most difficult task
is breathing.
most are sad
that we’ve only got a week
and maybe i should be, too
because there’s so much left to do
but it doesn’t really matter, does it?
live for the moment
the present is a gift
we’ve only got now
tomorrow is light years away
and all that other bullshit.
only now humanity ignores it
finds a new philosophy
because suddenly
their world is turned upside down
ending
and there’s nothing you can do...
but panic
a frenzied chaos
yet here i am
sitting in the sun
and focusing on the breeze
with a smile.
when you feel your existence
is already painful misery,
the ending isn’t as scary.
i’m not intimidated.
i’m not afraid.
i have lived fully
in my few years
i have felt too much.
experienced too much.
cried too much.
lost too much.
seen too much.
everything has always been
and always will be
too much.
so i will drink my coffee,
read my books,
write my poems,
count my seconds,
take my breaths,
fight my tears,
and lose my battles
all the same.
the same as i did yesterday
and will do
for the next 168 hours.
nothing will change
between now and then.
so don’t be hypocritical,
don’t say you’ve got regrets,
don’t say there’s so much you’ve yet to get done.
none of it is true.
if you wanted something,
you should’ve gotten it.
that’s the truth.
now you can’t, so you bask in pity
but let me remind you
you’re the fool
who let your time go to waste
and all the kids who are sad
like me
are the ones who feel their time is much too used
we never get a moment of silence
never any peace
until now
when we know it’ll all be over
the sadness will finally leave
and we can be
happy.
just seven more days.