awake and alive, maybe

I wake up slowly, as if from a deep sleep. though I don't remember falling asleep. the slow pounding in my head told me too much alcohol was consumed. I kind of regret that bottle of Jack. eyes are gritty with sleep and left over mascara. my body is a mass of lead and tingles from being motionless too long.

I squeeze my eyes as pinpricks light up my arms and legs. at least I can wiggle my toes and flew my fingers. time to get up. I take a deep breath brace myself for the wave of stinging zings. I tense my muscles for movement and freeze.

…that smell. I didn't notice until now. dirt. musty. sweat. where the fuck am i? my eyes pop open like a Jack-in-the-box. everything is blurry. too bright, too soon. blinking rapidly to clear the view. I'm in a small room. dirt floor, plain walls, there's a small window on the far wall next to a wooden door.

where in the fuck am i?

this can't be real. please let this be a dream. but the cot under me feels real. I can taste the heavy scent of body odor and garbage in the air. fighting the swelling panic, I count. slow, deliberate, whispered. I finally sit up and again am frozen with fear. there is a strange sensation around my left side. a tugging, dull throb emanates heat around my side.

no, please no. nonononono. fuck no!

a ball of dread forms in my gut. curdling and roiling. one slow breath in and out, I lift my shirt. one more breath. open eyes. my skin is an angry red. there's a neat little row of stiches. it's horizontal.

a scream rips through my throat. horrified, piercing. before my eyes shut in a faint, I take one image to the darkness. a Mexican flag waving beyond the open window.