Over reliance

The concept of reality

Is at best

A suggested mindset

Taught to form a barrier

Between illusion and actuality

I find this “mindset”

Emotionally draining

Dwelling on all the injustices

Of the world

Talking consistently of negativity

If my perception was that of most

I’d probably think positivity

Didn’t exist anymore

I find myself turning off

The nightly news

Allowing quiet to fill

My empty space again

A moment of silence

For those still suffering

For now I choose to think

That doesn’t include me

It wasn’t always a conscious escape

Innocent fun between friends

A sense of belonging

Yet my inability to resist temptation

Has turned me into a stranger

A coward to my own emotions

Ive always been a sponge

soaking up everything

Feeling so deeply it hurts

Consistently feeling misunderstood

Turning to outward sources

Instant gratification becomes enslavement

Seeking peace yet settling for chaos

The only thing I look forward to

Is that moment of numbness

When nothing matters

I swear I feel my life

Leaving my body every time

No longer conscious of myself

Synthetic pleasure envelops me

Blissfully aware that

I’m the antagonist in my life

I’ll murder myself

Before I hand anyone else the knife