*see*

that thing i do where i get all anxious and exceedingly awkward and basically socially inept

i said i didn’t know what it was

but i do

(yay for lying to you!)

it happens when i realize i’m being *seen*

like really actually honestly being *seen* by someone

there’s something that happens in peoples’ eyes when they *see* you

and you can *see* that they’re *seeing* you

and it becomes a lot for me

to acknowledge that someone is really actually honestly *seeing* me

like he did

like you did

like you do

and so i proceed to recede into myself and clam up and hide away and evade all forms of eye contact and physical contact and basically exclude myself from the interaction I’m meant to be included in

because I don’t know how to handle being *seen*