Waiting

Waiting

Is how I spend most of my time

Waiting

To get good news

Or even bad news

I just want something

Why will no one tell me anything?

I’m not too young

I can handle it

I deserve to know

It’s better if you give me updates

Then take me by surprise

When she is finally gone

But I can’t say any of this to you

Because I know it will hurt

So I just wait

And prepare myself

I prepare to lose yet another

I prepare to let go again

When she joined my family,

I thought it would be for a long time

I didn’t think she would leave too

And for the same reason

It’s too much

I can’t wait anymore

I need to get it over with

Can’t you see?

The cancer will get her

Just as it did my grandmother

Just as it did my friend’s mom

She can’t keep living like this

I can’t keep living like this

I don’t know if I will ever see her again

I think being sure is better

Otherwise, I convince myself it’s not true

Otherwise, I start believing everything will be okay

It won’t

She will die

Any second now

I need to stop thinking otherwise

I need to start letting go

She should already be gone

She shouldn’t be taking up so much of my time

I should be able to get her out of my head

There’s nothing I can do

I’m just me

Just a girl who can’t stop holding on

Just a girl who has lost so much

Of what her heart once contained

To a horrible beast

A horrible beast that seems unstoppable

And all I can do is sit

Sit, watch, and wait

As it tears families apart

As it rips people from my life

One

After another

Maybe someday

It will be my turn

Maybe someday

I will find myself at its mercy

And I won’t

Have to wait for news anymore

I won’t

Have to wait to suffer from the loss

It will finally rip me from the world

The same world that it has made look ugly in my eyes

And I can say goodbye to the beast

Once and for all