To The Children I’ll Never Have

Please don’t be offended when I say

I don’t want you.

What I mean by that,

Is that I don’t want you to grow up

In a world where you

Might not be welcomed.

To my daughter,

I don’t want you to grow up in this

World that will peck at you with

Its sharp beak

And tells you that the scars

It left behind on your beautiful being makes you ugly.

I don’t want you to grow up

To work in a job where you’re told

That your uterus makes you less valuable

Even though you could give birth

To nations

And still do twice the work than

Your male coworkers who

Will always make twice as much or more

Than you.

I don’t want you to grow up in a world

Where your body will not be your own

No matter how many people say otherwise.

I don’t want you to grow up in a world that will try to sew a zipper onto your mouth

Because they say your words, your thoughts, your emotions don’t matter as long as you are able to spread your legs.

I don’t want you because you deserve better.

To my son,

I don’t want you to grow up in a world

Where your fists have to speak more than your mouth does.

I don’t want you to grow up in a world

That expects you to carry it on your back like Atlas because despite what society may try to make you think,

You are not a god.

You are human with human limitations.

And that’s okay.

I don’t want you to grow up in a world

Where you’re expected to plant seeds

In the gardens of young girls’ beds

And leave before you see the orchards produce fruit.

I don’t want you to grow up in a world

Where you feel as though you must always be strong

Because it’s okay to be weak

And I don’t want you to grow up in a world with people who try to tell you otherwise.

I don’t want you because you deserve better.

To the children I’ll never have,

Please don’t be offended when I say I don’t want you.

What I mean by that,

Is that you deserve better than a mother who handles her stress with self-destructive behaviors.

You deserve better than a mother who wouldn’t know how to love you because she doesn’t know how to love herself.

You deserve better than a mother who could never give you the moon on a string.

I don’t want you, because I could never deserve you.