Darker

I can feel myself getting darker

It’s something I’ve never felt before

Not even two years ago

The light inside of me is slowly dimming

The shadows are pulsing through my veins

And the scariest part of it is,

I think I like it…

And I don’t know why

I want it to stay as much as I want it to leave

It is starting to become a bad friend that makes me feel

And I like being able to feel

I can see myself getting darker

I gravitate towards the color black

I like the way that it makes me feel

The color black makes me feel… dangerous

The “innocent church girl” doesn’t reside here anymore

Why was that phrase always so insulting?

The color black doesn’t make me feel naïve

It makes me feel intimidating

I like the way it looks on me

Complimenting my pale skin and blue eyes

It makes me look skinnier and stronger

When I was younger

I refused to wear black because I thought it made me look like I was in mourning

Oh, the irony…

Maybe I’m mourning a piece of myself

I can hear myself getting darker

Sometimes the way that I speak to others scares me

The way that I speak to myself should scare me even more

But it doesn’t

I am my own worst enemy when it comes to my thoughts

I would never say the things that I say to myself to someone else

To someone that I love

But maybe that’s because I don’t really love myself

Even though I act like I do

Because no one must know that the darkness inside me is growing

or that it’s even there at all

So I will put on my mask

Like I’ve done every single day of my existence