Where Do I Go From Here

I was at the lowest point in my life and it was a challenge just to wake up every day. 

I felt as if my life had turned into a bad dream. There was a sense of unreality to everything.

How did I become a widow at 47 years old? How did I come to weigh 267 pounds? A feeling of deep physical and spiritual illness weighed on me every moment. Over a period of five nightmarish years I had lost my career, my home, my husband, and my health. I felt I was losing  my sanity.

Thank God for my saving graces in the form of a God that never leaves me no matter the circumstances and a loving family. 

As I struggled just to keep putting one foot in front of the other, I knew I needed to start the difficult process of moving on with my life. But how?? I knew I needed to take a positive step in a forward direction. I also knew that my capabilities were limited by my current circumstances. As I searched for answers I came up with the one thing that I felt capable of tackling. 

I began my climb back to a meaningful life that feels full and real by working on one thing at a time. I started with my most limiting physical problem - my wheight. I started dealing with what had been a life long struggle with weight issues and had at this point evolved into chronic obesity. 

Since I had unsuccessfully tried many things in the past and I knew that at this point in my life I needed drastic measures, I took a drastic step and pursued baratric surgery. Once my mind was made up I knew that I needed to gain forward momentum quickly to keep from sliding back. I jumped right into to finding and pursuing the right medical program. 

It took me only three months to get through all the physical and mental tests, evaluations, and changes that were required in order for my insurance and my medical team to approve my surgery. Once I settled on something that I felt capable of doing in order to start moving forward, I was determined and would not let anything deter me. Nothing, not the doubters in my life nor the doubters in my head, could stop me.

I had my surgery just over three years a go. I used this positive change to spur me on to making other positive changes. Although I am very much a work in progress, today I am a physically fit 140 pounds. I have a special Man in my life. My life is full of meaningful work and joyful times with beloved friends and family. I thank God for where I am, where I have been, and where I am going.