Cabin Pressure

Hey Mr. Epstein, oh hey Mr. E.

On armrest hog charges, you've pleaded guilty.

I'm joking, of course, for your only known fault

Is ripping your pretzel snack, spilling the salt.

No pressure in cabin, no turbulence here;

The skies are not cloudy; the landing strip's clear.

Now close your tray table and overhead bin;

The upright position please put your seat in.

The captain is switching the seat belt sign on -

It's gleaming bright orange like your bestie Don.

Heed not those flashing red lights on the ground;

It's standard procedure for where you are bound.

You think that was bumpy, well, buckle up tight.

I'll see you around (in news headlines tonight).