Guess what!

Like a good chunk of the people in today’s world I am depressed. I also have super high stress levels too. For example, the other day I was stressed and became so lightheaded that I almosted passed out. I also don’t think that it helps that I get, at the most, six hours of sleep per night. Ususally it is somewhere between three and six, ususally five and a half.

I have this thing where I am fine and happy when I am around my friends but there is such a difference to when I am alone. It is hard to describe. I get inside my own head I guess. I guess a good way to describe it is that when I am happy, I am really happy. The wrld seems full of possibilities. I can do anything. But when I am alone it is nothing like that. I knows this sounds cliche but the world turns grey. I can‘t describe it. Everything is monotone. There really isn’t anything good or worthwhile to live for.

Am I alone? Is it just me that feels this way? Is it the fact that it is winter and that makes people depressed? I don’t know where to find these answers. There truthfully isn’t anywhere to go. I am aware of the fact that I should feel comfortable going to my mom.

I just don’t know what the fuck is going on.

1 kiss.

1 guy.

am i really a “thot”?

your balls haven’t dropped yet

neither has your voice

get a life pipsqueak my body, my choice

so shut the fuck up,

move out of my way,

i’m coming in hot with something to say.

i get it, you got daddy issues

but I don’t give a fuck.

you could buy your mama an island because you have that kind of luck.

compared to you, i am poor

but i am rich in other ways

just ask one of your “friends” cause i’ve been kissing him for days

don’t bother me with a sorry

i got a back feeling in my gut

stop calling me silly names cause you can’t even bust a nut

BITCH

They must not know what the drug epidemic is like.

They must not know what it is like to not see your uncle for years and then have him one day show up asking for money.

They must not know what it is like seeing a drug test in your bathroom.

They must not know what it is like having your uncle sleep on your couch for a month.

They must not know what it is like to hear your mother crying over her brother’s stupid decisions.

They must not know what it is like to watch as someone you love gets thrown in and out of prison.

They must not know what it is like hearing his stories of jail.

They must not know what it is like to see him get shipped from one hospital to another.

They must not know what it is like to hear him say he went to nine rehab facilities.

They must not know what it is like hearing your grandmother say that he got a girl pregnant.

They must not know what it is like to see the toughest person you know beg for someone to just come home.

They must not know what it is like hearing your mother talk about his court case.

They must not know what it is like to smell the drugs on his clothes.

They must not know what it is like to slowly watch as the little money he has left in his bank account fades away.

They must not know it is like to get left in the dark.

They must not know what it is like being affected by drugs and never even taken them before.

I am happy.

I feel free and happy.

Free to be me and have no regrets.

Free to do what makes me happy.

There is no sense of anxiety or depression that is weighing me down.

I feel like I can do anything.

Like the world was meant for me to live in it.

I am happy.

Change scares me.

I try my hardest to let it go,

but I can’t.

But no matter what I have to get through it.

And I will,

eventually.

I think I am going to this time.

I am happy for them.

But above all I am happy for me.

I like this new feeling.

I have a million things running around my mind.

Most are petty things,

like the guy I always seem to be crushing on.

Others,

a matter of life and death.

It confuses me how my life can be made up of such drastically differebt things.

How one moment I’m a normal teenager,

and the next I am a psychiatrist and saving a person’s life.

I sometimes wish I could only worry about petty thungs.

But I know it is those life defining moments

when I have to step up that really make me who I am.

I like that about me.