Of Fire

Shimmer-shine like stars, scattered streaks of light

Glowing lances through the water, through me, tearing me apart.

It makes me whole, this pain

These flames in my flesh-and-bones body

Inferno of suffering.

Because I know I’m alive

Still breathing

Although sometimes I wonder if I want to breathe at all.

It takes too much, sometimes, to fill my lungs

to

Inhale

to

Exhale.

And sometimes I lie awake at night

Searching for secrets in the ceiling paint

Unable to fill my lungs

Unable to want to fill my lungs

to

Survive

to

Live.

Until fire fills me, as it has filled me before, and forces me to breathe again.

//

#streamofconsciousness

#poetry

#poem

#nihilist

#nihilism