“As a friend let me be honest with you; I feel bad for you. There is no greater joy I have know in this life than becoming a mother. There is nothing you can eat or buy that will ever fill the void that a child can fill. If your husband were to die you would have nobody and at least I have my child who will love me unconditionally.”

”I can see it you know, see how the light has drained from your eyes. Every late period, every negative test it’s eating away at you. The hope weighs heavy in your heart. Maybe it’s time to restart.”

“IVF was only $45,000 out of pocket for us which isn’t bad. Money will always come back to you so why let it stop you if it means finally becoming a mom. It truly isn’t that far, the specialist is only two states over. We‘ll even let you stay in our house near there to save you the travel back and fourth.”

“Adoption?! You‘re husband says he’s fine with it, are you sure. Oh yes I know he said he was fine with it to your face because he loves you and wants you to be happy. But honestly what kind of man really wants to raise someone else’s child.”

-Ihatetulips

Pen to paper

flowers bloom within me

I wish I could vomit bunches of daffodils for words and cry rivers and waterfalls worth of sonnets

instead I’m a dried River bed all cracked and dry

the life blood that I once supplied to the beds of greenery beside me have shriveled and fled

leaving me with just mud

dark and wet

it runs through my veins as if a constant reminder to the Gods of literature who bleed nothing but gold leafed calligraphy

of my place in their world

how no matter how much pain and suffering is spilled from this bed of a body

it will never be gazed upon by rightly scholars

“Unwanted children are a disease“ ”Absolutely worthless”

”You’ve ruined my life”

“This is for your own good” “You’re asking for it”

”I should’ve given you up for adoption“

”You’ll never amount to anything”

“I Locked the cabinets because your getting fat”

”No one will ever love you“

“I don’t know how you get out bed every morning”

“Have you learned your lesson yet” “If you cry I’ll grab the belt”

“You think I’m bad you should see other parents”

”How did I mess up so bad with you”

”I work so much so I won’t see your face so much”

”Why can’t you do anything right” ”I got you a size 10 as motivation“

”God punished me with you”

”Of course she said no look at yourself I wouldn’t t want to be your friend”

”You’re a dumb fucking cunt”

“If your father and I get divorced it’s your fault” ………………………………………………………………………………………

”I’m sorry.” “I didn’t mean what I said.” “I love you.”

-Mom

You are magic! Secrets of centuries in hushed whispers reside upon your lips and even though your hands shake they carry infinities between them. Let me tell you they are afraid of the calamity you can create. Scared of how your lips spit tsunamis and earthquakes and how your soul is every bit as fierce as the cosmos; the cosmos which you’ve spent eons traversing. You’ve seen every color and you are blue like sorrow and blue like the kings of old who used you to adorn themselves and red like your lips

and pink like your tongue. You have a delicate power about you in a way that you are kind to people you don’t even know and that they breathe you in like air. So when you fall (and you will fall) know that you are every bit as essential as the sun and as beautiful as the starlight that flows through your veins so don’t spill it for those unworthy.

- Calliope

Maybe I’m the kind of person you leave behind at truck stops

Or that granola bar in the bottom of your bag

You leave me there but once I get too crushed you throw me away

Maybe I’m just the type of person you make plans with and instantly regrets them

Because I made 6 plans this weekend and none of the people remembered me

Or to call me and say they weren’t coming

I was just left here waiting

And I keep telling myself it’s okay

They must have forget people forget sometimes

But

Am I really so forgettable

…so unwanted

The wind howls

as the trees bend and break

cats yowl in the distance

their tiny paws scratching against the door

it’s only then I hear them

oh god I couldn’t help myself

and dug up that grave

now the ghosts they haunt me

It’s not the trees nor the space between them

That’s makes a forest a forest

But what lurks between them

Stalking you with golden eyes

Resembling newborn stars in virgin skies

Reminding you of who the trespasser is

What makes a forest is what lives beneath

Roots like veins making the earth a living pumping being

It is in the magic spoken in long forgotten tongues

Restless monsters listening

To the whispers of ancient trees

It’s the feeling of branches scratching your cheek

Your heart pumping in your chest

It is the feeling that you are both home

Yet somehow still in danger

What makes a forest a forest

Is fear when you find yourself

Not so alone in the woods as you thought you were