I tasted the words to see if they were real.

They weren't.

But what choice do I have?

When the silence is all-encompassing

When the memories are screaming back at me

When all is lost and there is no hope

Which way do I look?

Which way do I go?

How do I stop myself from sinking in

to the bottom of this hole

that I've dug up for myself?

But then I'm forced to open my eyes and see

That there's sun on the horizon

There's snow covering my tear-soaked cheeks

Snow under my boots engulfing the silence.

Into the sound of my mother picking me up

The feel of the grass under my bare feet

The birds singing out the rhythm of their freedom

There's life!

There's life!

There's life!

And I choose to live it.

#poetry #poem #poems #freeverse #blankverse #snow

Nobody told me how to harden myself and be strong,

Nobody told me that being

this soft is like

Being a deer alone in the forest.

No one told me that my softness wouldn't

allow me to withstand the cruelties and hurt

caused by others and seen in others.

No one told me that this hurt

would cause me to build walls around my heart

as high as the nausea in my throat.

No one taught me how to live life and bear it all;

I had to learn it all on my own.

I had to learn to smile at the sun,

to look for the wind and

to cherish the rain.

I had to learn how to breathe and smile

through the pain.

I had to learn how to take gratitude

mixed with dread.

I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet.

All on my own.

I'm better for it.

All on my own.

Because now I get to look love in the face

and say:

I'm ready.

#poetry #freeverse #rambleon #poets #poem #blankverse

A: Anonymus

M: Mediator

M lights a cigarette while continuing the walk through the snow with A.

A:

Do you know what the problem with the world is nowadays?

M:

Interesting way of starting a conversation, but I suspect you’ll tell me. Go ahead!I’m listening(softer).

A:

I think most people are raised to believe they are something special, that they have something to tell the world, that they will somehow make things better for the rest of us.

M:

And how is this a bad thing?

A:

The sad reality is that it is not the truth. Most of us are not like that. We’ll probably never write anything worthy of acknowledgment, let alone impress somebody. We probably won’t ever receive any awards or distinctions for our huge deeds or great services brought to society. That is because it is too difficult. The cruel truth is that most of us are too mediocre for that.

M:

Cruel truth? Us being too mediocre? It is rather crass to hear that from you. Maybe you just suffer from idealism regarding this world. Most people are fine being called ’mediocre’.To them that just means normal.

A:

Yeah, I understand what you’re saying. I was probably wrong when I said most people. Better said, a good chunk of us. We’ll most likely never do anything notable or memorable. You know why?

M:

Why?

A:

Because.We.Are.Ordinary.Common.And because when you’re raised for your whole life with the idea that you are special and gifted, you ARE NOT allowed to even consider that the biggest thing you can do for yourself in this life is to build a home and live in it.

M:

Wow. Since when did you become this nihilistic mess?

A:

NIhilistic?Ha!Not nihilistic, just realistic.

M:

More like depressed. When did reality start abusing you this bad?

A:

(Amused)No, not abused. Just got hit in the face with it.

M:

(Slightly more amused)Huh!? Hit, you say! Care to explain?

A:

Yeah, like a shovel. I just woke up one day to reality and I realized it is not exactly the way I want it to be.

M:

Well good morning to you!

A:

(Not pissed at all)Fuck off!

M:

That’s because of your idealistic nature, and the vision that you had of the world up until now, or rather until’ reality hit you like a shovel in the face’.

A:

It’s not that funny to me!

M:

I know! I know! It’s not funny to me either but humor sweetens even the darkest of thoughts.

A:

Poetic. Are we now?

M:

Let me explain!

A:

Please go ahead.I’m all ears!

M:

So you thought the world was black and white. You thought that people should aspire to ideals that are in favor of the community or society even. To help one another. Please stop me if I’m wrong.

A:

Go on!

M:

Well you were wrong!

A:

I don’t like this anymore!

M:

Just listen. People are way too busy with their own shit to even consider dealing with anybody else’s shit. It’s hard anyway for you, being a human, let alone, helping somebody else when you can barely help yourself.

A:

Yeah, I realize that now.

M:

After you got shoveled by reality?

A:

That joke is getting old.

M:

Explain what you meant through it and I’ll leave you alone.

A:

Very well! Pay attention!

M:

I always pay attention to what you say.

A:

Compliments won’t get you anywhere!

M:

I know. Stop stalling and spit it out, my cigarette is almost out.

A:

Fine!Fine!I think there are three types of people in this world. The first ones are the ones born into this relentless reality of cruelty, they grow in it and they know what to expect from it. So in this way, they’re never disappointed because they know that what they see is what they get.

M:

Ok. I’m following.

A:

Then, there are the ones born into this bubble, that is separated from the rest of the world and reality, they grow into this bubble, remaining ignorant towards the rest of society and its problems for the rest of their lives because they are not touched by it in their little bubble.

M:

I mean ignorance really is bliss.

A:

Lastly and also the most comprehensive category, is the one with all the people that are born inside a bubble but reality pierces its way through the rough exterior, making its way inside. And so, the bubble is burst. Reality sets in, and dreams become nightmares. Slowly, but surely you wake up from what Kant would call a ‘dogmatic slumber’.The reason why it’s so difficult for these people is that they lived inside that bubble for so long that when it’s burst they don’t have the necessary tools to cope with it.

M:

Tools?

A:

Tools?Resources?Thoughts?Emotions?You know what I’m trying to say.

M:

I think I do. The fact that these people were ignorant up until now, and now they’re not means they don’t know what to do with all of this. (Motions around itself as to show the world).

A:

Yeah!Exactly!In a phrase, yeah, pretty much!

M:

I’m beginning to see which category are you a part of.

A:

What can I say? It took me a while but I got here, nonetheless.

M:

Yeah, nonetheless.

Cigarette goes out.

I love people who laugh with their whole body. Almost as if laughing with their mouth wouldn't portray the exact sentiment in their soul so they use their whole body for it. Eyes squinting so that the memory is held tight there, belly clenching for breathing in the air of joy, mouth wide open so the sound of happiness can be released into the world and head tilted back from the pleasantness of this feeling. I really love these people. That's honest laughter.That's an honest person.

I always imagine when I say I need space, you say OK.

I always imagine you understand.

It never happens...

I look at you and you look hurt.

You have no boundaries, no need for space,

you have no limitations in what you take.

I look at you and sometimes it makes me sick.

I look at you and I want to turn the other cheek.

I look at you and dread the day water becomes thicker than blood.

I dread the day I look at you and say goodbye.

Control leaves my body

with the first tear.

Hope evaporated,

Eyes closed, resigned.

Silence echoes

in the dark corners of my soul.

Screams perpetually stuck

in the pit of my stomach,

I feel the hollow deep inside.

Sleep evades me;

I toss and turn

Breathe and sigh

Cry and beg.

Thoughts control me

Fears support me

Coherence flies out,

Insanity awaits me

On th other side.

This is for us,

for all of us.

Hiding in there,

feeling trapped,

captured by insecurity,

paralysed by fear.

I’m out here all alone while you’re in there all obscured.

I breathe for us,

I speak for us,

I move for us.

You think for us,

you feel for us,

you search for us.

You are me and I am you.

You are reason,

you are sentimentality,

you are everything in between.

I am everything that gives you life.

I am here but so are you.

I set you free so you can fly.

Speak your soul,

hold your thoughts

sigh out your wonder.

Go out into the world and show me you see it clearly.

Confusion etched in my expression

Sets deep into my soul

Eyes wide open to the wonder

Questions gather endlessly along

Words grow heavy

Between the silent stretches of imagination

Curved inward.

Attention span-a minute.

Life faithfully lodged into the fabric of existence

From the moment of appearance

Gaze turned up towards the stars

Finding answers is my mission

And for that, I’ll never die.