there are things which everyone is born knowing. borne out of bed each morning knowing you have to piss. knowing that on an island, surely, on some island, a wave is breaking. a coastal city’s concrete in the summer is being rewraught into rocks again.

there is a wind somewhere that has blown someone’s hat off. there is someone screaming somewhere. there is someone kissing someone else somewhere. when i wake up at least i know what i am tasting

when i got home my mom said she wondered if she was stifling me and i said, something soft

something to diffuse

but easily easily that could be the truth

and in fact is

anxiety which blooms primarily in my own home

in my own chest

if only i could escape the strange fat crush of air on my face

instead i am tiptoed around the ways she is stuck

shown the sinkholes

this is when in the air conditioned grocery store where everything is clean my sister and i grin badly into the camera, push our heads back at angles that make us look turtlish.

a consistent noise which says that you can look bad and so you should? or just, here. i will do this and we’ll laugh. like there is one result from that openness that you will find every single time

i think i could be a good hostage negotiator because i know how to hold people’s hands without flinching

in heidi there are long periods of waiting

there are no bad things

i don’t know. maybe faries made it. once i read a story about a tiger, apex transient. i like being at the bottom of the pool, i want the pressure of it, i want it to hurt. i want something wrong with my ribs.

in heidi there are long periods of waiting

relax

go outside when the ground is strong enough to hold you

the most romantic story i have

ever heard is

heidi

in which a child falls for a mountain

this is because i have not wanted to love one person

i like my blinders

recreational

not always there, just, sometimes.

if you were the whole world i would love you but

but please

don’t be

don’t be.

merit is when your family spends years and years reminding you that it is okay because they know before you know and you mistake them for just being strange and then

one day in june a bakery gives away cake for free and one day you think, oh, oh, so

so it’s been like this

and will i get married?

i didn’t know that love was what i had been ignoring

the first thing i think i asked god was what god thought about maybe could i have something to eat?

god had a son and a beehive

god lived on a farm for half the year, persephone to some dark impulse to

grow things

to create an agriculture that things could come from

god’s son always came home bloody

because he played rugby