i realised it. last night.

your voice

your words

everything bleeding into my ears.

it made sense.

when my incoherent thoughts were put together by the sounds you created

when the sobs coming out of my mouth were transformed into words

yours

like a prayer.

me, who has never had a god.

i was saying the words you wrote when you were barely older

than i am now.

repeating them, mouthing along

ugly sight that must’ve been

hand in front of mouth to muffle the sobs

tears running a marathon down to my chin

feeling alone, small and insignificant

and you

you

you

telling me it’s okay

but that tomorrow’s gone, just like yesterday

but i promise, i promise you

i won’t lose this fight. i will stay alive. 

as the sounds fade away after this short lived break

I allowed myself to breathe

to breathe in the words, as if they were written for me

just these ones, just these three minutes

the rest is yours

but I’m allowing myself to be selfish for these words

that can express what I feel better than I do

stronger than “i love you”

those three words muttered too casually, not making their weight count

but your two words take a whole new meaning when you say them

I hear the pain, the pleading

and that’s exactly what I’m feeling

hopelessness coming at last

wanting to say “give up, it’ll be fast”

but no. never. that cannot happen

because I am responsible for this soul