I have taken the time to forget you

the soft touch of your lips must leave my mind

before you were there such eyes a sparkling brown

dark beauty I see as I close my own

I have not forgotten those words of admiration

now so distant as I have not heard your voice in so long

your body often bruised and cut from the outdoors

those rough hands felt so nice against my soft skin\

I wish I could forget the warmth I felt in your arms

or the way you gasp in my ear as I moan in yours

wanting to leave such thoughts with you

but instead they trace my mind along with your taste

you ask me why I cry

and I ask you what it feels like to die

if death whispered my name like you do

I think that maybe we could go together

you have a grasp on hell I was always afraid of

if you said it was forever maybe I would believe you

I imagine you with marble eyes and porcelain skin

and when you shatter by the waves I would

collect your pieces with my cold hands

and hold you where I always wanted you to be

I see the night like you see the sun

and I tell you that the light hurts my eyes

so you shield them and I’m forced to look at you

but really I want to look at nothing else

we forget about what dreams mean

and how if I drank a gallon of vodka I would die

I’ve only gotten close to you once before

you told me spiders climbed up your arms

each night and you felt pain when you kissed me

I don’t regret the way I screamed your name

when you first touched me the silence

of the room scared me more than the night

before as they whispered in my ear

I looked a man in the face the other day

his eyes were gray and clouded over

and in them I could see her last breath

her face looked small and fair

eyes closed with soft gray locks brushing over them

I could feel the silence in the room as he wept

when I touched his hand I could feel hers

so soft and delicate you’d be worried it would break

underneath the sadness I could feel her there

see her young, them both

their first kiss underneath an oak tree 60 years ago

the first time he said “I love you”

how it felt when they both meant it

I don’t know what love is

I have never felt it

but I can imagine it was him and it was her

and how he had kissed her goodbye

she had felt it, too

in your eyes I can see the sun

the same way the wind blows past my face

and dirt gets into my mouth

underneath your smile I can taste

those tears and whisper your name

each time you forget I’m there

you’ve always kept away

like you were afraid I’d see you

and you waited to see if I was okay

I’d always hoped we would meet

maybe that sun would be too bright for me

I could touch your skin and be embraced

in your arms like I feel I should be

too long we’ve been apart and screaming

your name doesn’t seem to help

maybe in the future I would no longer be afraid

last night I saw his eyes in my sleep and I think he left a long time ago

I had dreamed about long nights awake and being so close I could touch him

I missed his last message from a year ago and I think it carried me with it

from beyond a glass of water and away from your car it had sent me drifting

some time ago he was supposed to forget me

now I think he only sees me

last night I screamed in my sleep

not for you never for you

you were awake and I was so far away

with vines wrapping around my ankles and wrists

hands covering my mouth my screams

darkness painted the walls and you were nowhere

and I was here so far far away

how you loved it

loud noises frighten me

but not as much as

burning buildings or

my parents dying

outside I can hear the rain

feel the cold

a man touches his lips

with a finger to me

I can see him through

the woods and try not to smile

when he comes closer

an hour ago a girl was shot

and as she died she said

she was afraid to go

I’m not afraid of death

like she was or at least

I pretend not to be

similar to how I pretend

there aren’t any ghosts

in my attic or this man

doesn’t have black eyes

when I was a child I wasn’t

afraid of the dark

now I think I am

the tea burned my lips

like how mean words come out

or kissing you for too long

it instigates an artificial warmth

unwelcome yet so sweet

like kissing you for too long

everything was so cold

but in my hands I could feel

sort of like kissing you for too long

I don’t want to say any words

despite the music playing, right now was silent

similar to kissing you for too long

but when my cup is empty

and the warmth has left along with feeling

we have once again been kissing for too long

#love #lost #loser

I saw your body in the morgue this morning

I always thought that place was

for old people, not someone like you

they pulled the metal tray you

lay on out from the wall

you were naked and your skin was pale, well,

paler than it normally was. At least

they hadn’t cut you open yet, for

whatever reason they said that they

needed to in order to figure out why you

died. I know why. I just don’t want

to tell them our secret. Why were you

the one who had to go first?

wherever you really are it would have

been nice to go with you and not

be stuck with your sad body, as

if that could make me feel better

after the sky had turned into glass and

shattered and the oceans and seas

evaporated, you hold my hand and

squeeze as we listen to

buildings explode and try to

block out the screams, perhaps we even

pretend they are birds singing

even though the sun went black

ten minutes ago