I smile, but have a hard time believing I'm happy. Everyday feels like the ending dragging on, whether it be because of work or my long term worries of my family. I have a girlfriend, but sometimes I wish I could legitimately be by myself, if only for one week in a room only I can walk into. I don't even know, if I started crying, if it would be for attention or the release of tension. This desperate yearning to have a meaningful impact on some unknown group has really torn me down. I need to stay away from most social media, at this point. It does nothing for me. I'm not really fine. I'm not suicidal, but not great. I sleep like I survive:awkwardly and with hesitation. Man, even looking at what I'm writing, in this moment, I simultaneously want to be better and gone. Can't do that, though. my mom wouldn't recover. My siblings wouldn't either. Who am I to take away that part of their lives. Might as well stick it out.

I have withered

into value

As past things

Often do

I shall hold

the age,

as you admire

it's passing

You

reach for me

atop a fortress of

fog and friday nights.

When

the mind

has lost the

key to reason

you offer yourself

as the one door

I can still

open

If there was one thing I love about you

I'd say it'd be your hands

I'd say I could tell everything you'd be feeling

through the way you felt me

Tips of your fingers

dancing on my chest

Like the legs of one

whose never been able to stand on their own

Spelling your name

across the broken sea

where someone else's name used to be

That's right

If I had one thing I loved about you

It'd be your hands

and how they held my tears

as if they were yours

Even in the beginning

when they couldn't

even hold you properly

I'd say, no they weren't always soft

And remind myself that

Sometimes

Sometimes

Your hands needed my hands

And by no means

Did that make them weak

By no means,

Would I choose anything I could love more

Than the brush of a back of a hand

That I knew more than I knew my own

I wish I could love those hands one more time

I'd say everything they mean to me

Without uttering a single

Word.

If there was one thing I love about you

I'd say it'd be your hands

I'd say I could tell everything you'd be feeling

through the way you felt me

Tips of your fingers

dancing on my chest

Like the legs of one

whose never been able to stand on their own

Spelling your name

across the broken sea

where someone else's name used to be

That's right

If I had one thing I loved about you

It'd be your hands

and how they held my tears

as if they were yours

Even in the beginning

when they couldn't

even hold you properly

I'd say, no they weren't always soft

And remind myself that

Sometimes

Sometimes

Your hands needed my hands

And by no means

Did that make them weak

By no means,

Would I choose anything I could love more

Than the brush of a back of a hand

That I knew more than I knew my own

I wish I could love those hands one more time

I'd say everything they mean to me

Without uttering a single

Word.

I write,

to breathe

that language

my lungs

whispered

the moment

your hello

stripped me

from the floor.

Scattered palms graze the sky in unison.

Clouds never asked for such love.

Some would sully the stars.

Us? lets bless tonight.

Tomorrow we'll rise,

as sun

does.

Your legs..

Man

Like scriptures

They dance

Across the moon's backyard

And leave footprints shaped like God eyes

Thighs that rise similar

to the symptoms of six a.m.

in the springtime

While beachside

Hallowed heels that

heal heaven’s heartaches

hold toes like tomes

Well versed on the first touch

of mother nature's fingertips

Your lips

Soft as a clouds grip

Strangling the cackled laughter

Of zeus’s favorite whip