"I'm holding up, so much more than I carry."

You yelled in my face, the pink flaring in your cheeks. The tears streaked down your face, and I could see the world cave in your eyes. I opened my mouth, trying to find the right words to say. But my hesitation cost you more than you could handle. The choked down sob lodged in your throat, your tears soaked in your skin. My hand reached out to touch you, but you slapped that away. In that moment, I grew angry. I pushed back, and that was my mistake.

You shook your head, your face twisted into something I never saw before. A coldness washed over you, and you walked away. I watched with tears in my own eyes, as you stepped away and out the door.

My worst mistake was letting you go. Letting you walk out that door. I should've ran in front of you and slammed it close, forced you look me in the eyes. Now I can only see you eyes in old photographs, matched with a taut and superficial smile.

I would apologize, but apologies don't bring back the dead. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.

I'm sorry I couldn't save you.

I go on into the world,

With a broken smile,

Trying to live a life of happiness,

With a fake smile,

I pretend its all okay,

You hurt me,

And I stood back and watched,

I've given up,

On trying to make things alright,

It looks like you've given up too,

On trying to do better,

I used look at you with a smile,

Now all I see is lies.

The worlds not perfect,

I know,

Could have at least tried,

I know its hard,

But you need to know,

What you've done,

Has started to shatter me,

You never looked back,

Never said sorry,

Kept living a life of lies.

I thought would change,

I guess that was a lie,

I lost faith,

In you,

Can you fix this?

I don't know,

You've shattered me,

You know,

Seeing me in pain,

Gives you no discomfort,

And we both know,

My life doesn't matter,

To you.

Live your life with no remorse,

And I'll live mine,

With darkness,

I'll find another,

someday,

But knowing you,

Gave me damage,

Gave me knowledge,

On who I can trust.

So thank you,

For shattering me,

Showing your true colors,

I've changed,

But you wouldn't know,

Are you alone?

I'm not anymore,

I've found happiness,

Once again,

But its true,

True happiness,

I smile and smile true.

You've shattered me,

But I needed to be shattered.

written November 21st, 2016

age: 13

I can’t help it, but every time I see him my heart burns. Thinking about him makes my stomach clench, and I could only assume it’s what people call ‘butterflies in your stomach’. Honestly, they should call it, a burning feeling because that’s what it feels like to me. Maybe it’ll go away if I ignore it, but that’s the thing; I can’t!

Walking through the halls, I search just to see his face within the jumbling mess of teenagers. My heart drops when I can’t, and it starts racing when I do. There are nights where I can’t sleep because all I can think about is him.

This feeling started at the beginning of the school year when I kept catching him staring at me. At first, I only thought about him, hoping I could decipher why he was staring. But it turned into feelings, and now I can’t stop it. Now he’s all I can think about, and it’s driving me insane!

Is this love or is this just a stupid crush?