We're all alive, at least I hope we are. But what is living? What is life?

Some say life is simply breathing. In and out, in and out, and bam! You're alive.

But it doesn't feel like living.

Some say life is a list of criteria. Science has a checklist: DNA, energy, response, reproduction. I fit all these boxes, I exist.

But it doesn't feel like living.

Some say life is having fun. Parties, drinking, doing drugs. Everything else just becomes a dizzy fog. I've tried parties, fallen into the haze.

But itt doesn't feel like living.

Some say life is worthless. That none of us really matter. Life, death, who cares?

I do. Death is inevitable. But not caring?

It doesn't feel like living.

Some say life is career. If you work hard enough, make enough money, have enough success, you'll be alive. Work is important, sure.

But it doesn't feel like living.

I say life is love. That loving your partner, loving yourself, loving your fellow humans, loving your job, loving your activities? That's real. That's what matters.

That's living.

A child is born. A mother cries. An absent father flies away.

*blink*

A happy child. A perfect family. A mother, a brother, a new father.

*blink*

A screaming child. A broken body. A lack of answers.

*blink*

A hospital stay. A surgery. A scared family.

*blink*

A diagnosis. A genetic disease. A dying child.

*blink*

A family struggling to adapt. A terrified daughter. A lack of hope.

*blink*

A year of pain and fear.

*blink*

A child with an all A report card. A girlfriend. A future.

*blink*

A college experience. A marriage. A child.

*blink*

An ICU. An aortic dissection. A failed surgery. A deathdate.

*blink*

All black at the funeral. A family without a daughter. A child without her mother.

A not-so-perfect family after all.

"I miss you"

Where to begin

You're too close to me

Etched in my skin

"I miss you"

A liar's game

You're nothing but a cheat

It makes me insane

"I miss you"

Cuts to the bone

I know the truth

You, I disown

I know it's fake

You've proven it true

But I won't lie.

"I miss you too"

I had faith in you, truly.

You were the hero in my mind

I thought you’d swoop in and save me

Not just betray me.

I had hope

I believed in you, truly.

Defended you through the ‘growing pains’

Surely, she loves me?

Surely, she’d never leave me.

I was so naive

I followed you, truly.

Through every high and low

I assumed you’d accept me

Desperately trusted you loved me.

I wasn’t enough

I was killed by you, truly.

You ripped out my soul

And crushed me

I thought you loved me.

I was wrong

I still love you, truly.

Through this betrayel

You’re always a part of me

Forever etched within me

I want you out