You are the reason

I wake up every day.

No. Reset.

You are the reason

I get out of bed.

I wake up

because I’m not dead yet,

but I get up

I eat, drink, bathe

I cook, clean, run errands

I read, write, sing, dance

I listen to music

I laugh at jokes

I work

at being

the type of person

of whom you can be proud

someone

you want to be around and

share moments of your life.

You are the reason

I grab the phone

every time I hear

your ringtone

or a text notification,

the reason

I smile

the moment I open my eyes

ready to start the day,

ever joyful simply

because you are.

You are the reason

I paint with words

Palette of delicacies,

divine

Pouring the life

into landscape’s verse

Staining pearl-white

with blackberry wine

Visions of rhythm

in eyes of myrrh

Tasting sugar, sweet,

rhymed with salt

Sating my soul,

sipping milk of mirth

Ferment’ language’s

syrup ’til malt

you are the reason i have been in therapy for the last two years.

two years. to stop flinching every time someone is around,

to stop losing sleep over the nightmares.

it took two years to undo what you broke inside of my heart.

and finally, it no longer feels like it will take the rest of my life

putting it back together.

i am so sorry that you were taught that love means threats, that love needs violence.

i hope one day someone teaches you that love should bring

peace to your heart, because you so desperately need to heal.

I no longer sleep

Instead I stay up late trying to breath

Trying to spill words on paper

Like if my blood is filled with ink

Or maybe led poison though

I never stopped to think

That you,

You might have taken part of my mind

Actually I think you live there now

Somewhere between the creases of my

Forehead when i cry or scream out

Wondering why

You left me when I needed you the most

And I want you to know

That you, You are the reason

Why I write

You were the reason I smiled,

but now you are the reason I cry.

You were the reason my worst thoughts stopped,

but you're also the reason they all came flooding back.

You were the reason for so many good things.

But those are all gone now,

and you are the reason.

Why can’t I think of anything to say? Everything I want to say has already been said. You’re so ugly, and fat, and untalented. They took the words out of my mouth.

Why are you so useless? They say with the expression I would’ve made when I look at you. Everything is your fault, you’re the fake one here. They think but it’s you against them.

You are the reason you’re (I’m) a failure.

You are the reason

melancholia

permeates. Be gone.

In my new season,

A world without you

appeals. I move on.

my pulse slows.

shaking hands steady.

my breathing syncs with yours.

war seeking anxieties retreat.

I’ve found peace.

and

You

are the reason.

"You are the reason." Four words in which can change a small child into a god. Those four words hold so much power in which they control, destroy, and love. They can spark relationships or hatred.

"You are the reason she died."

"You are the reason I'm still alive."

Four words that give off so many emotions that you can feel swamped by them. So let me ask you this, what is your reason. The reason you hate or love somebody. The reason you sing in the shower or the reason you take up a sword to attack. The reason is entirely yours to choose.

“Oh? And where are we,” I said smugly, with a wry smile, in a vain attempt to sound cool.

“Wherever we want to be,” She whispered, gently pressing her forehead to mine. “Close your eyes.”

The two of us were no longer in the dusty room nestled high above the bustling streets below. No, we were flying. Soaring far above the clouds with the radiant sun at our backs. It filled us with warmth. We locked our hands and gently swayed as a ship does in the deep blue sea. Then, we locked arms, gently wrapping each other in a warm embrace before tumbling to the dusty wooden floor. I opened my eyes and our sun-filled backdrop was no more. Instead, there was only her and her shimmering green eyes dancing in the low light. Entranced, all I could do was stare. A slave to her gaze.

Finally, I stammered, “A-are you alright,” Still staring intently into her eyes.

With crimson cheeks, she nodded with a warm smile. For a moment we stayed just like that, starring into each other’s eyes. Gently, she wrapped her arms around my back and pulled me in. Our lips touched and suddenly we were back amongst the clouds. Oh, the sight of it, even heavens gates would be ill to compare. The dazzling scene swirled into a fury as a loud ring cut through the air. I threw my hand to the side, knocking over a glass of warm whiskey. The glass shattered and it's contents sprawled out across the old wooden floor. The sun was stifling as it cut through the curtains dangling beside the bed. It’s rays only adding to the incessant throbbing in my head. I reached for the half-bottle, still on the nightstand, and took a long, deep, swig before throwing it back down.

I turned back to see an empty bed and the hollow remnants of a life once lived. It seemed so long ago now and yet, nothing could slate this feeling inside. This hollow emptiness pushing me further down a chasm. Further into the abyss. I still longed to have that life back. I took another long drink as I pressed my lips firmly against the bottle. At least some things help me forget. I planted my feet on the floor and forced myself up. My body swayed like a toddler learning its first steps. I stumbled across the room, dragging my led feet across the dust-covered floorboards. Suddenly the world around tossed and turned. Next thing I knew, I found myself on my back looking up, with the bottle still safe in hand. At least my medicine made it. Lying there, I took another swig before slumping into a haphazard heap. I dusted the broken shards from my tattered shirt as I looked to the broken frame still resting on the nightstand. Through the broken shards lining the frame, I could see a pale, grotesque, creature staring back at me. How did it get this way?

That auburn-haired girl had become my curse. I took one last swig before murmuring, “Ah, you are the reason.”