My heart pounds like a jackhammer,

And sweat beads on the back of my neck,

Slowly trickling down tan skin

My mind reels, spinning with fear,

As tiny hairs, carried on multiple pointed legs, brush against my flesh

The sensation makes my stomach clench,

A sickening feeling taking over

Leering straight at me,

Are a set of black beady eyes,

Appearing almost souless

At any moment,

I feel as if I could be devoured

The mix of negative emotions and bodily reactions

Leaves me faint, like I could collapse instantaneously

I want to scream,

But my throat is hoarse and dry,

Noise refusing to escape

I plead for this to be over

It is one of my deepest fears

One day a man got up in the morning and saw a huge black mountain in front of his house. He was scared. “Where did the mountain come from?” he said to himself. Afterwards, he thought to himself “lets go ahead, see what happens”. He proceeded boldly. Then the mountain came down in his hand turning into a little sweet food and he swallowed it. Then his sleep broke. In fact, he saw the whole thing in his dream. He could not understand anything. He went to a scholar. The scholar told him that the black mountain was the hard work that he was running away from. If he dared to move forward, his hard work would have been as easy as the sweet.

I am afraid of the unknown

of the young and old.

I'm afraid of change

and the things I am told.

I'm afraid of loss

and relationships that flicker.

I'm afraid of words

and those closer getting sicker.

I'm afraid of people getting close.

Too close.

I'm afraid of people seeing me,

and not liking what they see.

I am afraid to be. me.

I know this is strange but my fear is not one that can be named. People have it but not in the way I do. Yes people are afraid of dead things or dying, yes people are afraid of bugs, but very few are afride of dead and or dying bugs. Luck me I am one of them. Dont get me wrong im not afraid of death, I work in a hosptial and see bodys on the daily. But even thinking about a dead bug espically a squished one makes me dizzy. I can handle live bugs just fine but as soon as they die and I see their guts I freak out and nothing can calm me down. It is very weird that no one can name this fear and instead call it a fear of bugs but trust me when I say its not a fear of bugs or death it is its own catergory.

Inconceivable thoughts,

Unwritable words.

Impossible ideas,

forgettable worries.

A useless fear.

Undefeated. The all time champion.

A fight started for me.

Always ending the same way.

No escape. No reprieve.

Unending, until realized.

Somewhere, in time, I died

Already gone.

Fear, the first gift.

Terror, the unreasonable phobia.

Inescapable unknown

Summoning us all.

I thought it would never faze me again,thought it would never faze me again,

The fear that lies deep within the lost reaches of my mind,

The fear that once crept into dreams, tinting them black and red,

One I never thought nor hoped to remember.

By day I lost myself to the sight of honeysuckle blossoms and the branches of evergreens,

slowly falling maple leaves and vibrant tulip petals,

I never felt safer, and yet...

I saw them only in dreams.

So intricately were they placed,

In horrifying patterns to lengths I thought weren’t possible,

Making monsters to be all the more threatening,

Or causing them pain, blinding my vision with nothing but images of strife...

...I never spoke of these dreams

because I didn’t understand them...

I had been afraid.

But now I am not.

I’m not afraid.

Not anymore.

……

But I do have to ask...

Why did they haunt my dreams back then?

Why did they reappear again...

and again...

and again...

and again?

It’s natural right?

A common fear?

The fear of danger that lurks within us all?

Why did I think of them again?

Why did it all come back?

I thought I had escaped.

I wasn’t afraid.

I can just forget it all.

I did it then, years ago.

I can do it again

and again...

and again...

and again...

I’m not...

This morning I jolted awake.

Why were they on my mind?

I am scared of the black widow

A deadly creature would put me from 100 to 0

It's got red on its back

And it's not afraid to attack

The widow is so damn fast

I'd hate to see it's lifetime last

I just want it to go away

Guess I'll pull out the spray

Oh nice, the spray, I think it did it!

Oh wait there's another one, annoying as a zit.

Time is running out

The walls are closing in on me

I'm too big

For this tiny room

I have been here for days

Trying to conquer my fears

But I'm stuck

I'll never see my friends again

I'm too big

Time is running out

As the walls close in