The ice breaker at my college orientation left me frozen in my seat. I was in an auditorium full of strangers, who I was expected to, well, break the ice with. The professors who initiated this excercise had just given out bingo sheets that they printed out to everyone. A specific activity was typed up in each square. We were all supposed to ask around to see who did what, have them jot down their name there, and get three names in a row in order to get bingo. I don't remember there being a prize for winning, but I remember the bout of internal panic that I felt as a result of this.

It was all too much to process. The people, the instructions - all of it overwhelmed me. As everyone began to mingle, I dissociated from myself, easily falling back into the role of an observer. All the while, I tried to give the illusion that I was involved to the professors, turning around to look at all of the people around me. I thought I was doing fairly well. No one bothered with me so far. I just had to keep up this facade until it was all over.

Then, some guy who sat in front of me intiated contact. I forget what he said exactly, but it had something to do with the bingo sheet. The fact that he even spoke to me at all took me off guard. I was forced to connect back to the situation, which came to me as a struggle. When I didn't say anything, he flat-out asked me, "Are you retarded?"

I was too shocked to answer.

"You are retarded," he concluded, then spoke to someone else, like nothing happened.

His words hurt, not because I was "retarded", but because they poked at an old, festering wound. In my mind, they translated as "socially inept", which stemmed back to my social anxiety, something I hated myself for even having. They left me blinking away hot, stinging tears, just wanting this excercise to end already.

He said:

She said:

They said:

.................“You’re not Human.”

define that for us then.............

to what extent and what length

& how am i wrongly set or bent

or wired................................... 

And are we... are we not all......

remote.......Remote Controlled

and universally so..............?????

under universal remote control:

...............“You’re a... Machine.”

that makes me sad and..... mad

and then sputter and shudderrr

& twist inside, into turning-off

until i process this .............and

i wonder which of my parts is

spare? ......................and how

soon will this mechanism die

and be like old junk, obsolete

will my face plate fall-off first

or will a superflous foot drop?

will this be in stereo typical &

unoriginal unilateral & just so

incompatible with your future

matter like a toss-away sample;

what’s the basis of such slanted

thoughts of planes and levers...

push buttons of an argument

not good, or bad, not our call

where does it shut-the-fk-o-ff 

the bellows impetus dragging

its prehistoric feet across the

centuries of whose disstory???

Black, nor white, the tubes of

this device of discord.........vid

of our own taping smoldering

at every plug and every outlet

it’s not you, it’s not me; the us

conglomerate that we become.

I would Never say that you are

Not Human...........................

#What?! #Challenge